Thursday, February 4, 2010

Foreign Fears: Machine Girl (2008)




























reviewed by Steven Duarte

This month’s recommended Foreign Fears Feature is a film that comes from some of the twisted minds who also brought us Tokyo Gore Police. This revenge story follows stereotypical school girl whose brother is killed in cold blood by the son of a Yakuza boss. She ends of having her arm cut off which only pisses her off even more. The arm is replaced with a machine gun and the gory hilarity ensues. Just as other extreme B movie Japanese films, this is very over the top with holes being made in peoples bodies, limbs flying everywhere and blood being dropped by the gallon. This film also features a women’s bra that is constructed out of Drill bits. Use your imagination to let that one sink in and you still will not be fully prepared for Machine Girl.



--Steven M Duarte

Hi-Def Blood Movie reviews






















Family Guy: Something, Something, Something Dark Side (2009)
Review written by Steven M Duarte

Seth McFarlane and co. returns to the Star Wars universe with their second entry Something, Something, Something Dark Side. While their first Star Wars spoof Blue Harvest centered on A New Hope, this film centers on The Empire Strikes Back. We get more of the classic family guy jokes and banter along with the inclusion of more characters from the family guy universe transformed into Star Wars characters.
The setup for Dark Side is very similar to the Blue Harvest film. The Griffin family is at home watching television when the power goes out. The family then decides they should hear a story from Peter regarding the Empire Strikes back. The original characters that appeared in Blue Harvest are all back in the same roles. Stewie is Darth Vader, Peter Han Solo and so forth. The inclusion of additional characters from both the Star Wars and Family Guy was a welcome addition. Peters neighbor Joe Swanson plays a probe droid, Ernie the Chicken is Boba Fett and Mort plays cool talking Lando Calrissian.
Dark side also contains some of the funnier non regular characters into the mix. The cookie addicted Cookie Monster from prior episodes returns as a Wampa on Hoth. Cleveland is also back in the mix as R2-D2 which is a welcome addition considering that he no longer appears in the regular Family Guy show. Meg does appear in the film although as the space slug that the Millennium Falcon fly’s into. This has been a running joke of the series and works well in Dark Side.
This time around Dark Side was created for a direct to video release which did allow for bit more raunchier jokes than Blue Harvest. Some jokes involve the characters spurting out obscenities which are not bleeped. I’m not too sure if the obscenities are funnier when bleeped or when they are not but the use of them in Dark Side caused for some of the funnier moments of the film.

Final Thoughts:
Overall a much funnier film that Blue Harvest, Dark Side takes the prior formula used with Blue Harvest and takes it to the next level. Fans of both Star Wars and Family Guy will appreciate the inclusion of more characters from each series into the mix.

4 OUT OF 5 STARS
--Steven M Duarte

Movies Worth Googling: strange movie reviews by Jenny Orosel

NAMING THE UNNAMABLE: Lovecraft in film






A few years back I was at a WorldCon in Denver. There were advertisements all over the place for Cthulhu: The Movie. Cinefiles were abuzz—nobody had heard about this flick before, but a Cthulhu movie—wow! We would finally get to see the mythical monster brought to life. They then announced that during a movie trailer session, the centerpiece would be a sneak look at Cthulhu! The place was packed. We sat through spots for Transiberian, whatever the latest Harry Potter movie was, a few unmemorable ones, and at last they announced we would be getting a sneak look at an ambitious piece by new filmmakers and starring…Tori Spelling. The murmurs in the audience did not bode well, but we watched and hoped. The lights went down, and…well, we saw some men kissing, a man kissing Tori Spelling, some dark, brooding shots of tumultuous water, more men kissing…then the title card. The lights went up, and from a few feet away from me came the cry, “Where the fuck are the tentacles?”

Cthulhu was forgotten as I went about my daily life, until months later I discovered the title sitting in the “Recommended for you” feature on Netflix. The movie had come to be with no fanfare, bypassing theatres and straight to video. I put it on the queue, hoped for the best and expected the worst.

First thing to strike me was that Cthulhu: The Movie was not, in fact, based on the short story “The Call of Cthulhu” but “The Shadow Over Innsmouth”. Why they didn’t just call it The Shadow Over Innsmouth, I do not know, but I suspect it has to do with the box-office draw a name like Cthulhu would have. I watched, scratched my head, watched some more, then pondered various ways to give my brain a shower. There was never a Cthulhu in the movie. No monsters at all. A few villagers with strange, fish-like features, but that’s as far as it goes. The story followed a man, brought up in a small New England town that seemed to center on a weird little cult that worshipped sea monsters. Father was a bigshot in this local church. Son and father had a falling out over the son’s sexual orientation, the son left and made a life for himself in the big city, only to return for his grandmother’s funeral. The father wants him to rejoin the church. Son instead falls in deep, passionate love with his best friend from high school. While waiting for the reading of the will, he is drugged by abovementioned Tori Spelling and her husband so he can “give her a baby”. Two days later, we find that our hero is destined to be the Christ-like savior for this cult, Miss Spelling seems to have given birth to a school of fish (only hinted at. We get to see no fish), men walk out of the water, and our hero is told to choose between his father and destiny or the man he loves. The end. Nope, we don’t get to find out what his choice is. It is up to us, the viewer to decide for ourselves. As the end credits rolled, I could swear I heard Lovecraft softly weeping in the distance.





The only resemblance this has to the source material is sea-monster worship, a weird small New England town and a question of destiny. Exchange sea-monster worship with any other god, and this could have easily been one of any number of stories, whether written or filmed, that were never based on the Cthulhu mythos. Again, the only reason I can think of for them to blame Lovecraft for this plot-hole-ridden, poorly thought out mess was the draw his name would have, and perhaps to add an air of legitimacy.

This got me thinking about other Lovecraft-based movies, and how they fared against this one. To be fair, I’m not the biggest Lovecraft fan. When we get to his longer stories, he tends to get repetitive, the pacing gets a little stagnant, and I get frustrated with him using pages to tell me how indescribable things are. But I can give the man his props for being a master at creating a sense of mood and dread. That, to me, is where he is really a master storyteller. In his pages, Lovecraft can build a fantastic sense of foreboding and doom, matched by few. Yes, Cthulhu failed at building any sense of mood, but did the other flicks?
While pondering this as a column topic, the Sweetie and I came across a flick on the grocery store five dollar rack: Chill. It claimed to be based on Lovecraft’s “Cold Air” but in a hip and modern setting, and the cover blurb read “Saw meets Nosferatu”. Okay. But hey, column fodder and for five bucks, it was worth a shot.















Wow. I’ve seen a bunch of low-budget movies before and enjoyed a good number of them. This movie helps to illustrate a good rule of thumb. If you have limited funds and must be careful where to spend the budget TAKE A FEW BUCKS AND PAY A FUCKING WRITER! I’d say Chill was a good 75% faithful to the original story. Not too difficult to do, considering that “Cold Air” is about seven pages long. But to pad it up, they got rid of the suspense and ambience of the story, threw in some skinning shots, some stereotypical pimps and hos, some boob shots, slo-mo sex scenes, more skinning, and some fake blood and called it a day. They took a basic, simple Lovecraft plot of a man who, because of a mysterious medical condition, must remain in below fifty degree temperatures, and used it as an excuse to tie together tits and torture. Not even a casual Lovecraft reader could mistake it for a loyal adaptation when one of the main characters is repeatedly screaming, “He be killing my best bitches!”

I went from there to Stuart Gordon’s movie Dagon.











I like a lot of Gordon’s flicks. Re-Animator was a hoot. The man has a good sense of style, and overall, Dagon was a fun movie but a crappy Lovecraft adaptation. Again, we have a movie named after one of Lovecraft’s monster short stories, but actually based on “The Shadow Over Insmouth.” I have a request for you budding filmmakers out there—if you make a movie based on “Shadow Over Insmouth” then call it that. Please. But I digress. Two couples are on a sailing vacation when they are washed ashore to some small fishing village in Spain. Here, the residents slowly become fish-like creatures as they age. Male outsiders are sacrificed as food to their god, Dagon, while female outsiders are to be used as sex toys for the Great Old One. Only one male outsider survives, and that’s because he is half fishy-thing and never realized it. All in all, this was a fun little splatter flick. It never takes itself too seriously, whether during the violence, the tentacle-sex with various fish creatures (and even the great Dagon himself. Yes! Finally a Lovecraftian monster movie where we see the titular monster!) or even during the heart-pounding chase scenes. Again, here is a movie that remained true to the source material, while throwing in some sex and violence. The difference between Dagon and Chill is that Dagon was well-written, well-acted, knew that it was a fun little horror movie and ran with it.

This brings me to the question of sex in Lovecraftian films. Lovecraft’s stories have minimal sex, and by minimal I mean only mentioned that one has had parents. That is it as far as sex, and usually as far as it goes for female characters. The question then becomes what to do about it when making a Lovecraft story into a movie. Chill and Dagon both went with throwing in heterosexual sex, usually in a titillating way, hoping to use boobies as an audience draw, loosely tying it into the plot. Cthulhu, on the other hand, treated the absence of women in Lovecraft differently. Sure, they threw in a love story, but it was an all-male love story. The women in the movie were minimally used and never to be trusted. In a way, I guess Cthulhu remained the most loyal to the spirit of Lovecraft as far as women go. Whether that was a conscious decision…that’s a whole different question.

Finally, as a chaser to all these based-with-certain-aspects-of-story-but-with-none-of-the-style I watched a 45-minute movie The Call of Cthulhu, heralded by many fans as the most loyal and damn near perfect adaptation of a Lovecraft story to film. And guess what? It was actually based on the story it was named after. Yay! And I will say it was damn near a moment for moment adaptation of Lovecraft, both in story and style. However, that was really its one flaw as a movie. Call of Cthulhu was done in silent movie style as if it were made the same year as the story was written. This is only distracting for a few seconds, but then you get used to it and go with the flow. Forty minutes of this movie we listen to our narrator recount hearing stories of Cthulhu worshipping cults and the horrors that met their witnesses. Finally, in the last five minutes, we the audience get to witness a man confronting the great Cthulhu itsownself. We have a fantastic five minutes of man versus ancient tentacle god, with the monster being a wonderful nod to Harryhausen and his stop-motion creatures. Forty minutes of brooding dread and a five minute climax. That is how Lovecraft worked the story, and that’s how the filmmakers worked Call of Cthulhu. However, it does mean you sit through almost ninety percent of the movie where the plot is not advanced, and while the mood is effectively dread-inducing, doesn’t change. That can work for a written story. When working with a visual medium, though, it can get tedious.







Which makes me wonder: can a Lovecraft story ever be loyally adapted and still be an effective movie? I’m not entirely sure. In his tales, he sets a mood and builds it up and builds it up and builds it up until the great reveal at the end. Sometimes the horror isn’t even completely revealed—his most effective frights aren’t in what he describes, but what he leaves open for the reader to conjure in their brain. Is it possible to leave that much to the imagination and not have the viewer feel ripped off? And what about the build-up? How much setting up of the story can be done before it just becomes a flat rock of a movie? I’d like to believe that, in exceptionally talented hands, it is possible. But it will never be easy, and probably not often likely.

And on a side note, if you want to see Lovecraft and humor teamed well together, check out this little fan-flick on YouTube: “Antiques Roadshow: Arkham, MA”


--Jenny Orosel

Hidden Horrors: Terrifying T-shirts

By Brian M. Sammons

I have always been a jeans and T-shirt kind of guy and I think I always will be. Even in winter you’re more likely to see me wearing one of my old, black T’s than anything else. They’re just what I feel most comfortable in. Blame it on me growing up not only a metal head but a horror fan. The closest thing to a uniform for both groups was black T-shirts with some kind of image or logo on them. I can easily see myself at eighty-something, provided I live that long, rolling around in a wheelchair, my shaggy hair and pearly whites both fond memories, but still styling in some worn out blue jeans and a black, vintage Dawn of the Dead shirt. So knowing that I’ll be in the market for such shirts for a long time to come I did some searching on the web for some of the best places to procure fright threads.

However before we get going let me remark about the fit, feel, and quality of the shirts. All of the T-shirts from all of the sellers below were made out of 100% preshrunk cotton. They all felt good and fit well and all seemed very durable. That means the only difference between them will be the style, selection, and art. Now with that said, here are the best T-shirt sellers on the net today.


Fast Custom Shirts






While this place doesn’t have a spooky name, Fast Custom Shirts is an amazing stop for horrorheads looking for some new threads. They are located in Texas and just like the saying, “everything is bigger in Texas” the folks at FCS have embraced that motto and ran with it. In addition to shirts about horror movies you can find tee’s about sci-fi movies, exploitation flicks, military shirts, funny shirts, erotic shirts, various spots, video games, famous people (go go H.P. Lovecraft), and countless other topics. No really, I don’t want to count all of them, there are just too many. For just the sheer amount of shirts to choose from it’s hard to beat Fast Custom Shirts. They also offer a bit more colors to the shirts then the basic black, if that matters to you.






While there are many sites that do spooky shirts, Fast Custom Shirts corners of the market on the obscure, off the wall, and cult favorite flicks. Yes they have T-shirts of the Exorcist and Day of the Dead like everyone else, but they’ve also got shirts for Basket Case, Anthropophagus, Don’t go in the Woods, and Crazy Fat Ethel. Yes let me repeat that; Crazy Fat Ethel has her own T-shirt! So if you are ready to be blown away by their expansive catalog of seemingly endless shirts you can check them out here: http://www.fastcustomshirts.com



Offworld Designs







This place is less horror-centric but is an absolute geektopia. It is also offers far more hilarious shirts than any of the other sites on this list. Both geeks and humor are not bad things in my book as I’ve been known to play video games, toss around funny shaped dice, and watch Star Trek from time to time, and who doesn’t like to laugh? Ok, except for the emo kids, but then they’re going to buy all their shirts at Hot Topic anyway so who cares about them. Offworld Designs offers great T-shirts for the discriminating geek. There are gaming shirts that poke fun at role playing games (as in both D&D and World of Warcraft), sci-fi (with lots of jokes aimed at Star Trek, Star Wars, and Battlestar Galactica) just plain old funny shirts (with both dirty and clean humor), and yes, even the emo kids I was making fun of before can find something here in the “Goth Designs” section. One of the best things about Offworld Designs is that almost nothing is out of bounds and nothing is taken too seriously.


















“But Brian,” I can hear some of you saying now, “this is a horror site and we’re all horror fans so why tell us about some funny T-shirt maker?” Well first, you need to lighten up if you said that, and second, there are horror related tee’s to be found here, just expect them to be a tad bit silly. If you are a Cthulhuhead like me then this place is heaven as you’ll find lots and lots of Lovecraft inspired laughs here. There are also shirts that riff on zombies, vampires, necromancy, and a whole assortment of other spooky things. If you are looking to spice up your horror wardrobe with a little hilarity then Offworld Designs is the place to go. You can reach their starbase of silliness here: http://www.offworlddesigns.com



Fright Rags




Ok, for you horror purists out there, here’s a sight that’s all about the fright. Fright Rags is nothing but horror. Because of this they don’t have the selection of the previous two T-shirt sellers, but they are more focused on a theme. They offer a good sized selection of shirts with images taken from vintage horror movie posters and these are by far their best looking shirts. They also have something the other guys don’t; a small selection of horror hoodies for sale which I thought was a nice addition.







Lastly they have a bunch of original designs based off of famous horror flicks, but of these I must confess that they are a bit too cartoonish for my tastes. Naturally, your mileage may vary. While Fright Rags offers a smaller selection the do have some originals that can’t be found anywhere else and cover some of the obscure cult flicks that others overlook. If you are looking for something different you can give Fright Rags a try here: http://www.fright-rags.com


Rotten Cotton


























The folks over at RC are also all about the horror, and the evil. Whether its cutsie evil like their line of vulgar, and slightly disturbing teddy bear shirts they call “the swear bears” (my favorite is the teddy done up to look like Iron Maiden’s Eddie), or real life evil as in an extensive collection of tee’s featuring serial killers and murderers, there’s something to offend everybody, especially the T-shirts you’ll find in the “Blasphemy” and “Crazy-ass” collections. Trust me, what these guys consider “crazy-ass” takes that phrase to a whole new level.








Luckily Rotten Cotton is more than just shock. They have a huge selection of Horror T-shirts that cover many rare movies. They even get bonus points in my book for being the only site on the list to offer shirts based on the amazing Deadworld comic. In addition to T-shirts, Rotten Cotton offers more spooktacular clothing items than any other site. They’ve got horror hoodies, terrifying tank tops for the ladies, wicked button up work shirts, and something else for the ladies that are almost too awesome for words: panties with pentagrams on them for the seriously sexy Satanist. If you are looking to get your horror on in style and with as many clothing options available to you as possible, then click on over to Rotten Cotton here: http://www.rottencotton.com

--Brian M. Sammons

Graphic Horror: Game Reviews

By Brian M. Sammons








DARK VOID, by Capcom; 2010; Rated T; PC, PS3, Xbox 360.

DARK VOID is a third person cover based shooter but just stating the obvious doesn’t do this game justice. It is also original in both story and gameplay, has good voice acting, and sharp graphics. Yet there’s even more to this game than just the sum of its parts, and just like the rocket man on the game’s cover, there are plenty of highs and lows ahead of us on this wild ride. So buckle up, grab your helmet, and let’s blast off into the DARK VOID.
The highs come from a number of sources, first and foremost is the story. You play as crack pilot Will Grey who’s hired to transport a special package over the infamous Bermuda Triangle during the buildup to World War Two in 1938. One surprise return of an old love interest and one unscheduled crash into the ship sucking triangle and Will finds himself trapped in The Void, a pocket dimension of floating land masses and vast, empty expanses. Populating this bizarre place are survivors, and their descendents, of those lost to the Devil’s Triangle and other, lesser know interdimensional portals. Oh and there’s also a race of snake-like aliens called The Watchers living there. These slithering baddies, who often run around in robo-battle suits, have nothing but hatred for humanity and are helping “the fascists” build their war machine for the upcoming world war. It is up to Will and his new found friends to stop these sneaky space snakes and find a way to return to earth. Luckily Will gets some unexpected help in the form of famous electrical genius Nikola Tesla, and good old Nick leads us to the next, and easily the best part of this game; the flying.














Tesla gives you a jet pack and the freedom and total cool factor you feel when you are playing around with it is amazing. You can come soaring down from the heavens at your enemies, land behind them to start blasting, jet off when things get too hot to handle, and then hover in the air to rain down death upon your foes. While controlling the jetpack does take some time to get used to it is some of the best high flying action you are apt to find in any game and defiantly the highlight of DARK VOID.

And now for the game’s lows.

While the flying is great, the running and gunning this shooter offers could use some work. It gives us nothing new and usually feels a little loose, as in imprecise. There are some graphical glitches and worst, some really annoying audio boo-boos including an entire cut scene where the sound crackles throughout. However these can be fixed with a simple patch, provided that Capcom does one. What can’t be fixed with a patch is the repetitive game play. There are very few enemies so you soon become bored with shooting the same ones over and over again. If you hijack an enemy UFO its awesome…the first time you do it, but do it again and you’ll see that the animation sequence is the same. After the fourth or fifth time you do this you’ll have to fight nodding off. Lastly there is the ending which is the very definition of both anticlimactic and an obvious set up for a sequel. However the prospect of a DARK VOID sequel is actually a pretty good thing. If the game designers can add a bit more variety and iron out some of the technical problems, Dark Void 2 could be an amazing game. The basics are all there, they just need some more polish. Unfortunate as it stands now, DARK VOID is just a fun and average game. There’s nothing wrong with that, but nothing great either.








I give DARK VOID 3 Rocket Men burning up their fuses out of 5.






BORDERLANDS: MAD MOXXI’S UNDERDOME RIOT, by 2K Games and Gearbox Software; 2009; Rated M; PC, PS3, Xbox 360.

Those of you that have been reading Graphic Horrors from the start will know how much I loved the post apocalyptic-feeling, first person shooter-slash-rpg hybrid BORDERLANDS. You may also recall how geeked I was over its first downloadable add on; THE ZOMBIE ISLAND OF DR. NED. So with that said it is with a very heavy heart that I’ve got to say that their lattes DLC; MAD MOXXI’S UNDERDOME RIOT really isn’t that good. In fact, it should be avoided. Here’s why.
MAD MOXXI adds a great charter in Moxxi to the game. She’s a sexy, psychotic siren that runs a series of arenas called the Thunder…I mean Underdome. In these arenas you and your BORDERLANDS buddies fight wave after wave of some of the biggest, toughest, meanest baddies planet Pandora can throw at you. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? Well it is…at least for a while, then it all gets really repetitive. There are only three arenas to kill in, the selection of bad guys cycles through about four variant groups, and even the end bosses you fight every fifth round, taken from the various headline villains from the original game, soon begin to repeat themselves.
Worse yet, when playing through the UNDERDOME you start to feel like you’re wasting your time because you’re not advancing at all. For some unexplainable reason the game designers decided that repetitive mindless combat should be its own reward so your character gains no experience for the kills he racks up. For a game that prides itself on being one half role-playing game that is inexcusable.
Further, as you play through the original BORDERLANDS, and even while blasting zombies at Dr. Ned’s island, you gain higher skill ranking with whatever guns you use to do the killing. For example; the more people you put down with a pistol, the more damaging and accurate you become with it. Well in UNDERDOME even that is disabled, so you could waste a thousand angry road warriors with the same weapon and your proficiency with it will not raise an inch. Why the game designers decided to halt all character advancement is a mystery, and once you realize that they have do so it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Oh, and one more thing, they didn’t raise the level cap. Your character still maxes out at level fifty which you’ll easily have already hit if you played through the core game twice, like they suggest that you do, and run through Ned’s undead filled swamps. MOXXI does add a quest, that can be completed once per the aforementioned two play-throughs, that upon completion gives you another point to spend on your vault hunter’s talent/skill tree. While that is a nice addition, when compared to all the things it doesn’t allow you to increase, it feels like a Band-Aid at best.
MAD MOXXI’S UNDERDOME RIOT is combat for the sake of combat and nothing more. There’s no story, little to no character advancement, and while it offers some loot drops, none of the guns I got while in the arena was anything special. If you want to run around with your online buddies and blast BORDERLANDS baddies then this expansion will let you do that, but it offers nothing more. I hate to say it but I must; skip this one and hope that the next BORDERLANDS DLC is much better.

I give MAD MOXXI’S UNDERDOME RIOT 2 sad psycho midgets out of 5.


GENRE BREAK








VANDAL HEARTS: FLAMES OF JUDGMENT, by Konami; 2010; Rated T; Xbox Live Arcade.

This game is a fantasy turn based tactical RPG. What do all those words mean? Don’t be frightened, it’s pretty simple. The game is a series of battles where you have a small unit of soldiers, archers, wizards, and healers. The fights take place on various boards. Each character acts one at a time taking actions such as moving, attacking, and casting spells. That is the turned based part of the game. The tactics come in by utilizing the map’s terrain to your advantage, flanking opponents, and using various spells to buff, heal and damage characters. The RPG (or Role Playing Game) elements come form the evolving story, equipping new armor and weapons to your characters, and having your little army gain skill proficiencies through experience. So everyone got that? Ok, lets move on.
VANDAL HEARTS is a smallish, quick and fun diversion you can get for cheep by downloading it over the Xbox Live system. It is a good introduction to these types of games being not to difficult. However that means veterans of turn based tactical games will not find it very challenging and perhaps even boring. Further the art style is rather cartoonish and would appeal to kids. While this is fine with me, some “hardcore” gamers may turn their nosed up at it. Lastly, my biggest gripe with the game is the copious amount of loading screens this game will force you to sit through. When the game starts, there’s a load screen. Go to a new map to battle, see a load screen, when the battle’s over, load screen, go to inventory, load screen, go to buy items, load screen. Load screen, load screen, load screen. For a game as simple as this an done that came out in 2010, this is unacceptable and worst of all it’s annoying as all hell.






But all is not bad in these vandal’s hearts. You play as a young healer which is a nice change from the muscle bound sword swingers you usually play in these types of games. The adventure your little healer and his palls embark on is well developed populated with interesting characters. The enemies you do battle with range from warriors and wizards like you, to wolves, huge insects, undead horrors, and gigantic sandworms. While the combat is kind of simplistic it is fun and the game is short enough so that it never gets boring. All in all VANDAL HEARTS is good at what it does but it brings nothing new to the game.

I give VANDAL HEARTS: FLAMES OF JUDGMENT 3 rounds of sword swinging combat out of 5


THE TERROR THROWBACK














PHANTASMAGORIA, by Sierra Entertainment, Inc; 1995; Rated M; PC, Mac, Sega Saturn

I loved this game, and having played through it again somewhat recently I still enjoyed the hell out of it. Yes it’s kind of hokey by today’s standards; hell even back in 1995 it was still hokey, but just like a bad B-grade horror flick, that was some of its charm. And relating this video game to a movie is appropriate because it was one of the first games to have full motion video as an integral part of the game, and the amount of FMV, as well as its mature, often very bloody nature, was mind blowing. The game was created largely by Roberta Williams, the woman who dreamt up many of Sierra’s famous point and click adventures, and she had the idea that in order for a video game to be truly scary the frights on screen have to happen to real people, not just pixilated characters. Because of that, PHANTASMAGORIA was about one half horror movie, one half classic adventure game, and completely awesome in my book.
The game centers on Adrianne Delaney, a beautiful, young, female writer who purchases a huge, and very strange, mansion in the countryside. Little did Adrianne and her photographer husband, Donald, know that the mansion’s former occupant was an infamous 19th Century magician named Zoltan. Unfortunately not all magic practiced by Zoltan was parlor tricks as the illusionists used a very real dark tome to summon up a nasty spirit. The summoned demon quickly possessed the magician, turning him into a more modern version of Bluebeard. This caused Zoltan to have many wives, none of which ever lasted long or died well. Upon Zoltan’s death the spirit was trapped in a secret room of the house, a room that Adrianne accidently opens up during her new home investigations. Before you know it the demon has possessed poor Donald and soon the blood and horror will begin anew.







At its blackened heart, PHANTASMAGORIA is a classic haunted house story and it works wonderfully. As her husband becomes more and more reclusive and hostile towards her, Adrianne continues her investigation into the sordid history of the house, knowing that the two are somehow linked. This investigation is the meat of the game as you point and click your way through various locals, often activating spooky scenes as the story unfolds. Highlights of this include Adrianne seeing visions of Zoltan murdering his many wives in “poetic” ways. A woman that loves to eat is forced to eat animal entrails until she suffocates. Another wife who was an alcoholic is killed with a wine bottle, and so on. These kills could almost come from any 80s horror flick and they are complete with some pretty decent gore effects.
The story is peppered with memorable characters, some well acted and others…well not. By far the best character in the game is a crazy homeless woman named Harriet who squats with her huge, slow son in the mansion’s barn. The Harriet character is amazing in a laughably bad, scene chewing way, but instead of derailing the game she had me cracking up every time she appeared. If the phrases, “You’re all doomed,” (preceded by an old guy riding on his bicycle) or “Its garbage day!” mean anything to you and make you smile then you will also love Harriet. If those phrases don’t mean anything to you, then you really need to watch some more classic slasher films.













In its day, PHANTASMAGORIA was a bit controversial because of its depictions of violence. Some of this controversy may be warranted because the game deals with some pretty adult and unpleasant themes such as murder and rape, so sensitive readers beware. PHANTASMAGORIA is also largely also credited with creating the interactive horror genre. With its hefty 7 CD’s of content it is inarguably one of the most video packed games ever, but unlike many other FMV games there were essentially movies that you occasionally pressed a button to continue watching, the gameplay in PHANTASMAGORIA is as solid as any good point and click adventure game.
PHANTASMAGORIA is a classic in every sense of the word and a game I highly recommend all horror fans to seek out and play. You can find used copies on eBay and the like for not too much money, and again just like the last Terror Throwback, a little program called Dosbox will help you run it if you have any problems. This game was followed by a sequel which wasn’t bad, but not as good as this one. I just might cover that one in a future installment of the Throwback. But until then, do yourself a favor, track down a copy of PHANTASMAGORIA and give it a play. You’ll be glad you did.

--Brian M. Sammons

The Horror Playlist: Nanci Kalanta

by Nanci Kalanta

Growing up my parents instilled the love of two things in me; music and reading. We didn’t watch a whole lot of television and there were some nights where we would all be reading after dinner with music playing in the background.
I grew up in the 60’s and 70’s and the music from that time was amazing and I listened to everything from Patsy Cline to Led Zepplin and show tunes from various musicals on Broadway (Hair was my favorite) so I’ve got pretty eclectic taste in music.
When Nick asked me to check my playlist, I found the following in my Top 10:

1. East Jesus Nowhere by Green Day. I love socially conscience bands.









2. Acid Jet by Letters to Cleo – I once requested this on the radio and the DJ said he couldn’t play it for me because he lacked the proper female body part.









3. Little Smirk by Theory of a Dead Man – You really have to wonder who got burned to write that song.












4. Blind Man by Black Stone Cherry – there is just something about this song that speaks to me.









5. Your Decision by Alice in Chains – it’s so great to see this seminal “grunge” band back together again after a 14-year hiatus.













6. Wounded Bird by the Black Crowes – I think I like these guys because their music has heavy “classic rock” influence. Wounded Bird is a song about letting go and reminds me a lot of REM’s Try Not to Breath













7. Go With the Flow by Queens of the Stone Age – This song really gets me moving and is great to work out to.









8. Common Disaster by the Cowboy Junkies – A song about revenge that I heard for the first time when I was thinking about karmic retribution on a really, really bad manager that I worked with. It seemed fitting that it would come along at that time in my life.













9. Sunset Grill by Don Henley – This song always reminds me of when I was living in Miami, first time on my own. I remember going down to the beach to watch the sunset and the homeless folks settling in for the night. There was a “seedy” diner nearby and I always equate the lyrics with that place and time.










10. Whiter Shade of Pale by Procol Harem – one of my favorite movies is The Net with Sandra Bullock and this song was featured prominently in the beginning of the movie. For me it signifies the loneliness of a sheltered existence.











So there you have it – the top ten songs on my iPod. Upon closer inspection you’ll see some Beatles, Moody Blues, Yes, Genesis (Follow You, Follow Me was our wedding song) and Emerson, Lake and Palmer, alongside Stone Temple Pilots, REM, Foo Fighters, Puddle of Mud and even some Zebra.

--Nanci Kalanta

(Nanci Kalanta is a long time fan of dark fiction, a diligent book collector and a full time computer geek. She assumed editorial and ownership of Horror World in 2003 and has expanded its scope to include, amongst other things, the premier horror podcast, Pod Of Horror.)

Editor-Horror World
www.horrorworld.org

The Top 13: Asian Horror Films of the Decade

By Lisa Morton

It’s always a good sign when it’s hard to choose a list of top films because of an embarrassment of riches, not because of embarrassing films.
While Hollywood’s double-aughts seemed to produce little more than remakes, sequels, adaptations of video-games and other pathetic dreck, horror seemed to flourish in the east.
Prior to the late ‘90s, you could practically count on the fingers of one hand the number of interesting horror films ever produced in Hong Kong or Korea ; Japan had more of a history, with classics like KWAIDAN and UGETSU, but those were more like stand-outs than typical examples of the films being produced at the time.
No, it took the late ‘90s, with the massive breakout success of Japan’s THE RING, to see Asia leap into its own decade of horror. Suddenly not only were the major Asian film production centers making horror movies right and left, but they were making really good ones, the kind of films that could compete in local awards with mainstream dramas, romantic comedies, and action films.
Now, a few brief words about this list: Because there was so much good stuff to choose from, I ended up throwing out a few films for somewhat arbitrary reasons: Thailand’s TROPICAL MALADY, for instance, is really only half a horror film (the other half is a sweet love story); and despite its reputation, I just can’t join in the praise for AUDITION, which alternately bored me and left me guffawing at its supporters who see it as some feminist statement. Conversely, I have included crossover films, thrillers, and even a so-called children’s film (SPIRITED AWAY) because they all depended on disturbing content throughout and succeeded in creating uniquely unsettling milieus.
There were a few more films it really pained me to exclude, and if this list was longer it would also name Hong Kong’s KOMA and HOME SWEET HOME – two superb examples of horror films driven by female leads; DOUBLE VISION, a creepy Taiwanese/Hong Kong co-production about Taoist magic; H: THE MOVIE and TELL ME SOMETHING, two disturbing Korean mysteries starring A TALE OF TWO SISTERS’ astonishing Yum Jeung-ah; TOKYO GORE POLICE and STACY, two smart and bloody Japanese dark satires; and virtually everything directed by Hong Kong’s Soi Cheang (especially DIAMOND HILL, NEW BLOOD, and the afore-mentioned HOME SWEET HOME).
So, enough with the explanation. Here, without further preamble, are 13 horror movies, listed in alphabetical order, that prove exactly why the east is red.





13. BATTLE ROYALE (Japan, 2000) – Director Kinji Fukasaku’s last film was the ultimate horror/science fiction/action/social commentary mashup. Painting a terrifying vision of a (believable) future in which children are expendable in the name of bureaucracy, the film is smart, technically flawless, and features two terrific villain performances: Cult icon Takeshi Kitano as the take-no-prisoners teacher, and KILL BILL’s Chiaki Kuriyama as the psycho girl out to waste the rest of her class.








12. DARK WATER (Japan, 2002) – THE RING’s director Hideo Nakata adapted another story by Koji Suzuki and came up with this winner – a chilling, low-key story about urban paranoia and the desperate love of parents for their children. Claustrophobic, drenched in details, and very unsettling.









11. DEATH NOTE (1 & 2) (Japan, 2006) – I’m cheating here because I think these two films really do need to be seen together. Based on a hit manga and anime series, the DEATH NOTE films are insanely smart, witty, tense, and a vastly entertaining study in how absolute power can corrupt absolutely. BATTLE ROYALE’s Tatsuya Fujiwara is darn near brilliant as Light, the virtuous young law student who suddenly gains the power to kill with utter immunity, and who moves from light to monstrous darkness. Directed by Shusuke Taneko, you should see these now before they’re dumbed down and ruined forever by the inevitable American remake.








10. DOG BITE DOG (Hong Kong, 2006) – I’m not kidding when I say Soi Cheang’s nihilistic masterpiece may be the darkest film ever made. Brilliantly made and superbly acted, this descent into hell will probably leave you feeling like a fish dying on a dock…and for some reason, that’s awesome. The simple plot – a cop chases a renegade hitman – is just an excuse to hang Soi’s amazing style on…and I think we can safely say that this is the one film on this list least likely to get a Hollywood do-over.








9. THE DORM (Thailand, 2006) – Who could’ve guessed that a small ghost movie from Thailand would do a better job of channeling the living spirit of Ray Bradbury than anything else made in decades? THE DORM is a beautiful, heartfelt coming-of-age story, in which a troubled boy learns about life from a ghost. Songyos Sugmakana’s gem also manages to filter its Bradbury-esque poignancy through a culture that’s very different from our own.









8. DUMPLINGS (Hong Kong, 2004) – A shorter version of Fruit Chan’s DUMPLINGS is included in the anthology film THREE: EXTREMES, but it’s the longer version that I’m recommending here. Shot by the world’s finest cinematographer (Christopher Doyle), DUMPLINGS is astonishing on many levels, not least of which is that its incredibly gruesome premise – a woman eats dumplings made from aborted human fetuses to keep her youth – is laid out in the beginning of the film, not used as a surprise reveal near the middle or end. Bai Ling – usually reduced in Hollywood to kitschy supporting roles in movies like SKY CAPTAIN AND THE WORLD OF TOMORROW – won virtually every acting award in Asia for her performance as Aunt Mei, the enigmatic but overtly-sexual “doctor” behind the dumplings.








7. THE EYE (Hong Kong, 2002) – The movie that really put the Pang Brothers on the map is, in many regards, a fairly typical ghost movie, featuring lots of greenish-lit phantoms with long black hair…but it’s really the superb performance of lead actress Angelica Lee Sin-je that catapults it onto this best-of list. You know the story – a girl gets an eye operation, and can suddenly see ghosts – but Lee finds layers of psychological depth and genuine terror in the character. Unfortunately a sequel with another fine actress, Shu Qi, succumbed to wild bounds of illogic and failed on virtually every level.








6. THE HOST (South Korea, 2006) – Bong Joon-ho followed up his stunning BARKING DOGS NEVER BITE and MEMORIES OF MURDER with the one giant monster flick on this list, and what a follow-up THE HOST is. One part social satire and five parts kickass monster, THE HOST features one of the world’s great actors, Song Kang-ho (with blonde hair, yet) as the luckless guy who has to pull his dysfunctional family together to rescue his sister from the clutches of the oversized thing rampaging through Seoul. The CGI is fantastic, the creature itself is well-designed, and the shots of it bearing down on screeching humans are some of the scariest of the decade.










5. ONE NITE IN MONGKOK (Hong Kong, 2004) – Derek Yee’s incredibly tense thriller may not feature any supernatural beasties, but it’s one of the most harrowing rides of the last ten years, with a villain who is so dull and stupid that you’ll likely recognize him immediately (and cringe). Two of Hong Kong’s prettiest young stars, Cecelia Cheung and Daniel Wu, give fine performances as the mainland waifs trapped in Hong Kong when a hit goes wrong; but the movie really belongs to Alex Fong as the beleaguered cop whose Christmas Eve has just gone down the drain. Clip your nails before you see this one.








4. SPIRITED AWAY (Japan, 2001) – So you’re thinking, Cripes, a CARTOON?! Yeah, but here’s the first fifteen minutes: A young girl is visiting an abandoned amusement park with her parents when the sun sets, her parents turn into pigs, her escape routes are cut off, and she’s surrounded by ghosts. SPIRITED AWAY continues on from there, offering a friendly spider-man, a scary stalker called “No-Face”, and a flock of little paper birds that scissor up anything they come across. All of this weirdness is rendered in Hayao Miyazaki’s exquisite images, and aided by Joe Hisaishi’s brilliant score. Without question the most beautiful film on this list, but also genuinely strange and disturbing…and possibly the finest film by one of the world’s great filmmakers.









3. SYMPATHY FOR LADY VENGEANCE (South Korea, 2005) – I know Park Chan-wook’s OLD BOY is generally considered his masterpiece, but for my money this film is both more stylistic and far creepier. For one thing, it has at least one major set piece that’s so intense and gruesome I wish I’d thought of it first: Our heroine gathers the surviving family members of a killer’s victims together in an isolated building, and hands them the killer, some weapons, and a big whopping sheet of plastic. In an American film, somebody would argue the bereaved out of any act of violence…but not here. The result is wince-inducing and blackly satisfying, and that scene alone would earn it a place on this list – but it also has a woman being poisoned slowly with bleach, a custom-made gun that’s only accurate at about six feet, and OLD BOY’s Choi Min-sik as one of the most horrific child killers ever put on film. All this, and an astonishing lead performance from Lee Yeong-ae as the woman who silently serves time for a murder she didn’t commit, planning her retribution the whole time.









2. A TALE OF TWO SISTERS (South Korea, 2003) – You don’t need to hear me blather on again about my love for this one, so let’s just keep it simple: The best horror movie of the last two decades. From anywhere in the world. Period. Kim Ji-woon’s instant classic is terrifying, gorgeous, funny, perfectly made and a brilliant example of the intersection between horror and tragedy. And it features one of horror cinema’s great performances, from Yum Jeung-ah as the brittle, psychotic stepmother. If you see only one film on this list, this is it right here.














1. VISIBLE SECRET (Hong Kong, 2001) – This one was a surprise, given that director Ann Hui is usually known for her socially conscious dramas like ORDINARY HEROES and THE POSTMODERN LIFE OF MY AUNT…but Hui is a superb filmmaker in any genre, and she managed to turn what could have been a mere ripoff of THE SIXTH SENSE into something unnerving, wild, and very entertaining. Whereas THE SIXTH SENSE gave us a big-eyed precocious kid as the ghost-seer, VISIBLE SECRET offers a hot babe in the form of the luscious Shu Qi. The film’s poster alone – featuring an eerie image of a ghostly woman in a subway train – was briefly banned in Hong Kong for unnerving subway riders.

(Due to various online legal issues, there is no video trailer available for this film. Sorry, folks.)

--Lisa Morton