Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Double Feature Movies From Hell With Nick and Steve

This month's Double Feature Movie From Hell is...well, hellish. At least it was for us.

La Morte Vivante “The Living Dead Girl” (1982)
Review written by Steven M Duarte

Director: Jean Rollin
Cast: Marina Pierro, Françoise Blanchard, Mike Marshall and Carina Barone

With so many recent awesome horror films coming from France I thought it would be fun to choose our shit pick of the month from the same country. Hey, they can’t always get it right. Just as the United States has produced excellent horror movies they have also come out with some shitty ones. The French are no exception. Thus this month’s pick comes from director Jean Rollin titled The Living Dead Girl.

So the main premise of the films follows a girl who died at a young age. A combo toxic spill/earthquake disturbs her eternal resting spot and she is resurrected as a zombie. Now she’s not your normal Romero zombie, she’s more like your normal euro trash b-movie hottie. I’m pretty sure the lead actress in this film was an extra for a Lucio Fulci film. I find it amusing how notoriously bad films have gratuitous nudity aplenty and the Living Dead Girl is no exception. The main character spends majority of the film in a see through night gown. Again does nothing for the story but fuck it she looks good. That’s what I can picture the director thinking to himself when he presented her that way.

The film is full of boring shots that consists of close ups and zoom ins on random shit. It’s a good thing this movie is on dvd because you can use your remote to quickly fast forward the many boring parts of the film. There is some decent looking gore that occurs midway through the film but nothing that is memorable.

I would have liked to see the living dead girl as an actual living dead girl. She never said she craved brains and often looked like she was sad that she began killing people. Call me crazy but I haven’t seen too many remorseful zombies in horror movies. Maybe Tarman from Return of the Living Dead can show her the zombie ropes. Her sister supports her cannibal addiction and is a shitty supporting cast member. She pretty much sees that her sister is a zombie and pretty much says fuck it I will feed her. As with most shitty horror films the plot doesn’t make sense and you pretty much just watch it for the boobs and gore. While this film has both, it is still boring as hell. It’s not even one of those “it’s so bad its good.” types of films. I would rather wrap tin foil on my head and brush my teeth than sit through another viewing of this film.

--Steven M Duarte

Night Fright (1967)
Director: James A. Sullivan
Cast: John Agar, Carol Gilley and Ralph Baker Jr

And I unwisely chose to watch this depressing piece of 60s horror/sci-fi garbage, Night Fright. Ye gads! How far John Agar must have fallen to appear in this junk.
It's enough to make me want to...

Thank god this thing is only 75 minutes long. Any longer and might have decided to end it all with a shot to the brain. This has got to be one of the dullest excuses for horror I've ever had the displeasure to *yawn* through, filled with some of the worst high school drama dropouts, ever. If not for John Agar, I probably would have thrown this thing in the garbage. Isn't it great that DVDs last forever. I mean, we certainly want future generations to be able to enjoy such 'great' filmmaking as Night Fright, don't we?
Everything about this movie screams 'kill me'. The shitty Texas locations, out in the middle of godforsaken nowhere places; the terrible bouffant hairdos (on both sexes...no shit); the dented rentacars; and the fact that you barely see the 'oh, so terrible monster from space'.
Don't watch this movie. I swear you'll want to stab your own eyes out with hatpins.
But let's talk about the story...
There's barely one. Something about a government cover up of a crashed space probe with something about a mutant astronaut or stow away monster or who gives a crap...it's really not important. If you're looking for great kills, you're bound to be disappointed by the less than artful camera cutaways and grocery store style special effects.
And meet your cast...

Seriously, lame isn't the word for it. This flick is ripe for a homemade MST3K treatment. That's about all it's worth.
But, hey, if you've got a little over an hour to waste, go ahead, give yourself the torture that is Night Fright.

--Nickolas Cook