When you have to include the phrase “gratuitous metal” in a review, you know it’s going to be a wild ride.
Incubus is one weird movie. A doctor and his teenage daughter have only been in this small town for a year. Does the town treat them like outsiders? Not really. I think this detail was in there as a setup for a red herring that was never followed through. But I digress.
This small town has a rash of murders. Weird murders where the victims are women who die from having their uteruses impaled during a rape. The police seem somewhat interested. The doctor is definitely interested. The doctor is also interested in the new reporter in town (how many small towns have this many people move in within a year’s time span?). And in scattered scenes, he may or may not be interested in his daughter in a not-so-fatherly way. Another red herring/subplot never fully explored.
Through the course of the movie, more women die (including one during a heavy metal concert at a movie theater. From what I understand, it was actually a movie in the book and not a concert. However, that one bit of gratuitous metal brought us a look at a pre-Iron Maiden Bruce Dickinson. There’s a bit of Jeopardy trivia for you). And we find out there was a rash of similar murders two decades prior that the town has been hushing up. Why you may ask? Again, no clue as it is never explored past an occasional mentioning.
Incubus wasn’t a horrible movie. Most of the performances were on the money, with the surprising exception of the normally fantastic John Cassavetes giving a wooden reading of the doctor role. The suspense was enough to keep interested, and the gore was balanced just right between the excessive and the non-existent. However, I can’t honestly say it was a good movie, either. There are just too many plot holes and half-attempts at red herrings to make the story fully cohesive. The ending packed a good ten minutes worth of action into one. It felt rushed, as if they ran out of film and said, “Oh, crap, let’s end this thing as fast as possible.” Hmmm. That could explain the unanswered plot holes, too.
Incubus could have been a great movie if it wanted to. The writing was there, the skilled cast was there. Yet it failed to follow through more than halfway. I don’t know if it was poorly set up from the start, editorial issues, or sheer laziness on the part of the director. Whatever reason, Incubus never made it to “Greatness” but stalled at “A Damn Shame”.
--Jenny
The Book:
INCUBUS by Ray Russell
Do yourself a big favor and read the book before watching the movie. The movie includes a couple of key plot points from the book, and that‘s all… just enough to make the introduction seem familiar and to ruin the ending, really.
Incubus is a horror novel masquerading as a mystery. There are mystery elements, not the least of which is the identity of the demon, and they are presented unusually well. There are a handful of novels which cross the mystery / thriller / horror as well as this one does… Falling Angel and The Tomb spring to mind… but only a handful. The actions taken by law enforcement are reasonable (unlike in the movie) and follow whatever the best logic of the time would inspire; at the point where it seems as if it is a regular serial rapist the police respond accordingly. When the sheriff becomes convinced of the supernatural element, he defers in many ways to a Professor of occult studies and shifts the town’s reactions to defense while the creature is being sought.
If you’ve ever read a book and been thrust out of the story by an utterly unrealistic action, you know how annoying it can be. This novel offers none of that.
Also, the characters are realistic; this, combined with the rational actions, should make this book work only if it is effectively a police procedural. Instead, Russell allows inspiration to come from a variety of classic ideas and shoehorns the result into a whodunit, resulting in a brilliant update / crossover of Dracula and “Who Goes There?” with a touch of Rosemary’s Baby thrown in for good measure.
The book opens with a young man and woman skinny-dipping, and the woman shortly thereafter becomes the victim of a violent rapist. The doctor examining her eliminates her partner as the criminal because of his relative endowment… the attacker is huge, akin more to a horse than a human. As the story progresses, the driving figures of the town - the doctor, the sheriff, a young scion, a returning occultist, and secondary characters such as the doctor’s daughter, the local publisher and the deputy - grow steadily more convinced that there is not a simple human rapist, but something darker and fundamentally demonic.
Unfortunately, as they are learning about it, it is learning about them.
Coscom Entertainment, publisher of monster and superhero fiction, has just launched a massive sale on all of its eBooks. Popular hits like The Undead World of Oz, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and Zombie Jim, Blood of the Dead, The Lifeless, Zombie Fight Night: Battles of the Dead, Bits of the Dead, and others are available for less than $3.
Coscom Entertainment is one of the leaders in the monster-book publishing industry, with some of its titles slated for reprint from such publishing giants like Simon and Schuster.
The Expendables Release date: Aug 13, 2010 Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke, Terry Crews, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren,Randy Couture Remember how cool the action films of the 80’s were? Yeah me either but Stallone looks to capture that same vibe as he leads a plethora of leading males such as Jason Statham and Jet Li.
Piranha 3D Release date: Aug 20, 2010 Starring: Elisabeth Shue, Richard Dreyfuss, Jessica Szohr Haute Tension director gets a chance to redeem himself after the dismal effort that was his Mirrors remake. This time he’s taking a shot at a remake of the 1978 classic Piranha, this time in 3D. Those who have seen the film claim its as gory as Dead Alive. Now that’s saying something!
Centurion Release date Aug 27, 2010 Starring: Michael Fassbender, Dominic West, Olga Kurylenko, David Morrissey, Noel Clarke You really can’t go wrong with a movie that’s directed by Neil Marshall. He brought us the claustrophobic Decent Werewolf fun with dog soldiers, and we can’t forget the thrill ride that was Doomsday. Now Neil takes a different approach and tackles a legendary ancient Roman battle.
The Last Exorcism Release date Aug 27, 2010 Starring: Patrick Fabian, Ashley Bell A Reverend gets more than he bargained for when he arrives in Louisiana to perform what he thinks to be a “routine exorcism.”
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2009) Review written by Steven M. Duarte
The long awaited Swedish film crafted from bestselling books by the late Stieg Larsson has finally made its long awaited American debut. This film has been highly anticipated ever since its original release back in 2009. Well I can happily say that the film was well worth the wait as we possibly have one of the best films of the year.
The film follows professional hacker Lisbeth Salander who is hired by a private firm to find information on Mikael Blomkvist who is under investigation for his dealings with an industrialist CEO. Upon her investigation Mikael is approached by a retired CEO who has been looking for the murderer of his niece for the past 40 years. Lisbeth finds Mikael’s research and decides to put her hacking skills to the test to help him in finding the killer. The film very much plays out like a Silence of the Lambs movie. In fact if the original Silence of the Lambs was made in Sweden it would have been close to this movie. That’s definitely not a bad thing. The original name of the film translates to men who hate women. This theme is conveyed throughout the film. Lisbeth’s Parole officer/Guardian is very much a sadistic Woman hater. His early introduction into the film sets the overall theme.
Foreign films have a tendency to portray certain scenes or themes that will almost never be made by an American film director. Dragon Tattoo is no exception. There are brutal scenes of rape that may cause people to wince or turn away. Where American films cut these types of shots short or only show limited angles, foreign films go the extra mile. Foreign films are almost always made with the original vision that the author or director intended to portray. They are not at the mercy of corporate movie studios or ratings boards who threaten with X rated ratings.
Lisbeth is very much a social reject. She has spent majority of her life in foster or juvenile care and prefers to work alone. Mikael on the other hand is a big journalist who is known for finding the information that he needs. The two leads have great chemistry together as they work not only as a team but as lovers. Viewing their affection for each other shows they really care about each other even if Lisbeth is afraid to show it.
My only grip with the film was its length. While I’m not opposed to lengthy films I am opposed to including scenes that are not necessary and do not move the film forward. An example of this was the subway scene where Lisbeth fights off the gang of delinquents. This scene was included to show how independent Lisbeth was and how she was a tough girl who could take care of herself. This scene was not necessary as we had already witness her toughness with her sadistic Guardian. There were a couple of other scenes of note that could have been cut to make the film flow better.
A small gripe to a well made film. Foreign films have always been my favorite and Dragon Tattoo has been added to my favorite’s right next to Let the Right One In.
--Steven M Duarte
DARK AND STORMY NIGHT (2009) – DVD review By Brian M. Sammons
Director: Larry Blamire Cast: Daniel Roebuck, Jennifer Blaire, Dan Conroy, James Karen
A few years back, writer, director Larry Blamire and his friends made a very independent movie with the memorable name of THE LOST SKELETON OF CADAVRA. It was a cinematic love letter to the classic, if a bit schlocky, sci-fi movies of the 1950s. It wasn’t exactly a spoof or a parody, as everyone involved loved the movies they were poking fun at too much to be mean spirited, but the movie was nonetheless a very funny throwback to a bygone era and genre.
Next on Mr. Balmire’s hit parade was his take on the Old Dark House movies of the 1920s & 30s. That movie is this movie, and it’s aptly called DARK AND STORMY NIGHT. Just like LOST SKELETON, it is an accurate send up of the source material, both fun and very funny, yet once again you can feel the love the filmmaker has for those forgotten movies of yesteryear. Furthermore for a low budget film, the quality is very top notch. The writing is witty and sharp, the actors play their parts remarkably well, deliver sharp, quick dialog flawlessly, and have real comic timing, and as for the direction, Larry Balmire shows his skill by blending the cinematic style of the 1930s with modern sensibilities.
Oh, could it be that you don’t know what an Old Dark House movie is? Well then, let me explain. These types of movies started a little before the roaring 20s, and lasted until the rocking 50s, but their heyday was the 1920s through the 1930s. The typical Old Dark House movie had a group of people arriving at a creepy looking house, usually a large house like a mansion so there was plenty of room for mayhem. Once there everyone would have to spend the night for some reason and during that usually unexpected sleepover bad things like murder would take place. Sometimes there was a supernatural element, but often the one doing the killing was human, and then the culprit usually wore a mask so that their identity would not be revealed until the end of the movie so as to keep the audience guessing at who was the coldblooded fiend. In a way, Old Dark House movies were sort of proto-slashers, the masked maniac gore flicks that would become a staple of the horror genre in the late 70s and 80s.
In this movie, filmed in glorious black and white, a group of strange and mysterious persons gather at a thoroughly strange and mysterious estate during the appropriately dark and stormy night to hear the will of the recently deceased Sinas Cavinder. Naturally this takes place on the very night that Sinas said he would return from the grave, which also happens to be on the night a long dead witch’s curse is meant to take place, that is if the Cavinder strangler, who’s been killing woman for years, doesn’t strike first, or the maniac who just that night escaped from the local asylum for the criminally uninhibited. And then, as if things weren’t bad enough, a hooded, robed, and gloved killer calling himself (or perhaps herself) the Phantom of Cavinder starts bumping off the guests one by one. To give anything more about this movie away would be criminal, and might get the Phantom coming after me, so I’ll just have to leave you wanting more. Trust me, if you like the funny, you will want more of this.
This DVD from Shout! Factory comes with a nice collection of special features. There’s an informative and entertaining cast and crew commentary, a behind the scenes “making of” featurette, a gag real, and a nice surprise; the entire movie in color, but honestly, black and white is the only way to watch this gem.
Normally here is where I would say something like, “If you’re a fan of the Old Dark House films then you must get this movie”. However in this case I’m not going to qualify the recommendation. Instead consider this a general recommendation for anyone who likes to laugh, so chances are good that means you.
--Brian M. Sammons
THE LOST SKELETON RETURNS AGAIN (2009)– DVD review By Brian M. Sammons
Director: Larry Blamire Cast: H.M. Wynant, Frank Dietz, Christine Romeo
A few years back Larry Blamire made his bones (heh) with a low budget, independent movie called THE LOST SKELETON OF CADAVRA. It was a loving send up of the sci-fi flicks of the 1950s and it became an instant cult classic. Larry and company (as he uses many of the same actors and crew again and again) next took on he Old Dark House genre with DARK AND STORMY NIGHT. Now comes the much anticipated sequel to the movie that put Mr. Blamire on the map, does it continue to bring the funny? Are there enough new tricks in the old sci-fi flicks from the 50s to warrant a new movie? Well let’s find out.
This mostly black and white movie tells the story of a new element being discovered in the Amazon with amazing properties that everyone wants, including the government, scientist, aliens, and even the telepathic, mind-controlling skull of Cadavra, the only thing remaining of the skeleton of Cadavra. A group of intrepid explorers comprised of some of the characters from the first film, or their twin brothers, and some new faces like a government agent, a swindling crook, a scientist (who’s a woman!) and a tough as nails jungle guide. All these people must brave the dreaded Valley of the Monsters and tread carefully as to not anger the tribe of the cantaloupe people. Will the heroes find the rocks they’re looking for, avoid the totally authentic looking monsters, and stop the skull of Cadavra from once more becoming the dreaded skeleton of Cadavra? Well you’ll just have to watch this movie to find out. But luckily for you that along the way you’ll have lots of laughs and be able to enjoy actors hamming it up and trying really hard to act really poorly.
This DVD matches the previous Blamire DVD that Shout! Factory put out (DARK AND STORMY) nearly point for point with extras. There’s a cast and crew commentary, a behind the scenes featurette, and gag reel. Yeah that’s not a ton of extras, but for a little movie that could, it’s plenty. Hell, I know lots of “big Hollywood” movies that come out to DVD with less extras than that, so I guess a movie like this does alright.
If you enjoyed the original CADAVRA movie then you can do your happy dance because this movie offers the same loving satire of your favorite sci-fi and jungle adventure films from yesteryear. If you never saw the first movie, relax do don’t need to have seen it to enjoy this one, so you have no excuse not to get this movie. Unless, of course, you hate fun. You don’t hate fun…do you? I didn’t think so, so do yourself a favor and pick up this weird, funny little film today.
This month’s recommended Foreign Fears Feature is the Taiwanese ghost film Silk. The Asian market is cluttered with vengeful pale face ghost films which makes it all the more important for a director to work that much harder to make their film unique. Director Chao-Bin Su does a good job of blending scares and moral values into his ghost story. Silk involves paranormal experts who have spent majority of their lives trying to capture a ghost. They finally capture the ghost of a small boy inside an old rundown apartment building. They find that the boy continues acting out his life as if he were still alive. There is one problem with the paranormal team investigating this boy; he dislikes being stared at directly. Starring at the boy leads to a violent sudden death at the ghostly hands of the boy. The team soon learns that there are much greater forces involving the boy than they could have bargained for. While the film can feel a little like an episode of the X files, I still found the film entertaining and fun to watch. The characters are likeable and the film does a good job of portraying human emotion. If you would like a break from the usual vengeful spirit films that are abundant from Asia, give Silk a try for a different take on a ghost story.
Director: Joe Dante Cast: Bradford Dillman, Heather Menzies, Kevin McCarthy
After the blockbuster that was JAWS came out, everyone wanted a piece of that “terror from the depths” pie. There were movies about killer alligators, killer crocodiles (because crocs are so different to gators), killer octopus, and ORCA about an actual killer whale. But one of the best, in not the funniest, was the Roger Corman’s 1978 production; PIRANHA. As a Corman picture, this movie has just been released in a special edition from Shout! Factory as part of their Roger Corman’s Cult Classics line. But after over thirty years, does this movie still have bite (heh)? Well let’s dive in and find out.
To start off, you’ve got to give this movie credit. After a couple of typical teens go swimming where they shouldn’t, and thereby become fish food, the film starts off with the plucky heroine of the piece playing a JAWS video game. That right there sets this JAWS rip off head and shoulders (that’s a JAWS joke that I hope you get) above all the other JAWS rip offs. This movie knows exactly what it is, it’s fine with it, and it’s just here for a good time. And a good time is exactly what PIRANHA provides.
A bickering man and woman go looking for the two missing teens up at a largely abandoned military test facility where the government was doing odd experiments with aquatic things. The pair encounters the kooky scientist, played with panache by Kevin McCarthy, and inadvertently let loose a whole school of genetically altered super piranha into the nearby river. These little eating machines can survive in cold, fresh water and breed like rabbits, and they are making their way down the river, munching on anyone and everyone they encounter along the way. That includes not only a vacation resort filled with tourist but a summer camp full of little kids. Can our two heroes save the day from not only the deadly fishies but the military who wants to cover everything up, the stereotypical cops who won’t listen until its too late, and the greedy resort owner who won’t close the beaches down no matter what?
One notable piece of trivia about this movie is that it marks the directorial debut of Joe Dante, who would later go on to make the movies; THE HOWLING, GREMLINS and INNERSPACE. Even at this starting point of his career, much of Joe’s trademark style is evident, as is his love for veteran character actor, Dick Miller.
Shout! Factory once more puts out a stellar collection of extras for both the DVD and BD. There’s a commentary with director Dante, a making of featurette, bloopers and outtakes, trailers, a still gallery, a poster gallery, radio and TV spots, and a nice addition of extra scenes that was used to pad out the time, not to mention replace some of the bloody bits, of this film when it was aired on network TV.
PIRANHA is another throwback to the era of drive-ins and fun exploitation flicks, the kind of movies that just aren’t made today, and the kind of movies I greatly miss. It is a good addition to the Corman Cult Classic line of videos and a great movie to have in your collection for whenever the mood hits you for some watery, bloody, good times.
HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP (1980)
Director: Barbara Peeters Cast: Doug McClure, Ann Turkel, Vic Morrow
Shout! Factory is fast becoming my new favorite DVD and BD company, largely with their awesome ROGER CORMAN’S CULT CLASSICS line. This latest addition to the line is no exception to the great collection of exploitive, drive-in, cult, and just fun as all hell movies that haven’t been out on DVD for far too long, and never out at all on BD. But does this killer, horny, fishmen flick from 1980, the golden age of horror movies (at least in my opinion) deserve the special edition treatment?
In four words; hell yeah it does! I love this movie. It’s got High Priest of the Church of the Eternal Drive-In, Reverend Joe Bob Briggs’ big three (blood, breasts, and beasts) well covered, with the special effects handled by makeup maker Rob Bottin and lots of cute girls rocking the 80s look that I miss so much. No really, I do. Anyway, the music is top notch, provided by James Horner, who would one day soar high above his humble Corman beginnings by scoring movies like TITANIC and AVATAR. The direction is competent, but not particularly noteworthy. The acting is vintage 80s horror movie, which once again I love to death. The story is a riff on H.P. Lovecraft’s excellent story, “The Shadow over Innsmouth” (whether the filmmakers admit to it or not). The titular Humanoids walk the fine line between being cheesy and badass. Best of all, this movie falls firmly into the camp of “they don’t make ‘em like that anymore” and that is easily the best thing about it.
What do I mean when I say that? Well despite all the wonderful nudity and bloodshed (two things many modern movies fail to combine), and the awesome look of the 80s era film stock, it dares to do things that filmmakers just wouldn’t do these days. And I’m not even talking about the gratuitous fishman raping women scenes (more on that in a sec). No I mean this movie kills little kids and dogs! Now in real life I’m not an advocate for either, honestly I’m not, but if the story calls for it, especially in a horror movie, then you have better have the ba…I mean guts, to do it. Yet every time I watch a modern American horror flick and they put either pets or children in jeopardy in an attempt to ratchet up the fear factor, I just yawn because I know for a fact that Hollywood is so afraid of offending anyone that there’s no way any harm will befall the little critters. Hell even Jason Voorhees never killed a dog (the only dog of note was in Part IV and it wisely jumped out of a window to get away from Jason), and the big masked maniac never killed anyone under the age of, say sixteen, or more accurately someone in their mid-twenties pretending to be sixteen. Well this movie says screw all that. Back then there were no PC police ready to pounce on them for the slightest infraction of the “Everyone’s Guide to Good Morals” playbook. Also, if you are looking for a more serious reason I applaud the filmmakers for doing this, then how about this: by having the monsters eat a kid at the start of the movie, the next time the humanoids menace a little girl you wonder if she’s going to be alright. You actually feel a sense of unease, and perhaps even fear, at the scene. You know that these monsters aren’t playing by the rules. I mean, it worked for Jaws, right? Hey fright filmmakers, you paying attention?
As for the story, it’s your typical tale of a small seaside town invaded by a bunch of horny fishmen that slaughter the dudes and make icky fishy sex with the ladies. There’s a nice subplot about the nearby Native Americans and the white townspeople disagreeing about if their town needs a big fishing cannery being built in it, but really, does anyone watch a Corman production for the subplots? No you go to watch a groovy flick packed with gore and naughty nudie bits. Corman knew that, and that’s why his movies, while low budget and more than a bit dated, are still a great movie watching experience for any true horrorhead today.
To further cement their place in my cold, black heart, Shout! Factory has released this movie with a nice selection of extras. There’s a bunch of never before scene deleted scenes that they just found in the MGM vault, most featuring lots more blood and boobies that really should have been in the movie. There’s pretty good and longish making of featurettes, interviews with lost of people behind the movie, including Corman, a separate interview with Corman about the movie by Leonard Maltin, and the usual trailers and TV spots. One thing the presentation was sadly missing was a commentary track, but I guess nothing is perfect. Lastly, I was lucky enough to see this movie both on DVD and Blu-ray and both editions not only look great, with a few exceptions where the film still has some scratches on it, but have the same amount of extras on them and I really liked to see that. So many movie companies now days (like Universal, MGM, and Paramount, just to name a few) put out rather barebones DVDs and save all the good extras for the BD, well not Shout! Factory. So no matter what format of player you have, you can get a great copy of HUMANOIDS for it.
As if you couldn’t tell by now, I really loved this movie and I’m betting you will too. If you love 80s horror, if you love monster movies, if you love movies with Lovecraftian overtones, and you can stomach fishman rape, dogs getting killed, and a child getting murdered off screen, then this is the movie for you. It’s a great late night, popcorn munching, man do I miss drive-ins kind of movie if there ever was one.
GALAXY OF TERROR (1981)
Director: B. D. Clark Cast: Edward Albert, Erin Moran, Ray Walston, Robert Englund, Sid Haig
Ok, let’s get this out of the way at the top of this; if you’ve ever even heard of this movie then you’ve heard about the infamous maggot raping scene. If you never have heard of this 1981 cult classic ALIEN rip-off, then be warned, there’s a gratuitous maggot raping in it. No, not a guy raping a maggot, but a huge, slimy space maggot raping a woman. If the thought of that really turns you off, and who could blame you if it did, then this might not be the movie for you. However that would also be sad as GALAXY OF TERROR is chock full of early eighties, low budget, cheesy goodness. It’s the kind of midnight movie I love to watch, but I’ll be the first to admit that this flick is an acquired taste to be sure. So keep reading and see if you’ve got the palette for this movie or not.
In the future there’s a guy called the Planet Master who has a glowing red ball of light for a head and despite just sitting around playing chess all day people seem to worship him like a god. So when he orders a ship full of people to explore a far off world, the crew all go happily. Once there, they find a dead and abandoned alien city and then their deepest fears begin to become true and murder them. A guy who “lives and dies by the crystals” dies to his own crystal weapons, a man who was afraid of getting old is killed by tentacle-leach-things (yeah, that one didn’t make any sense to me), someone else must face an evil version of himself in combat, and then there’s the woman who hates maggots…well you know what happens to her.
Yes, the story is as simple as that, and at times it’s rather silly, but it does have some truly unique moments and at least one twist on who lives and who dies that I didn’t see coming. Essentially GALAXY OF TERROR is a mixture of good and bad, the corny and the creative. Most of the video special effects are laughably bad such as laser blasts, animated spaceships moving over mat paintings, and the glowing face of the Planet Master, all of which got me chuckling, but the makeup is passable and sometimes pretty groovy. And yes the acting is questionable at best, with Sid Haig chewing up the scenery as he throws crystal Chinese stars at everything, and the always stellar Erin Moran, of JOANIE LOVES CHACHI fame, showing off the skills that made her such a “TV star”, but some of it is great fun, like watching the always entertaining Robert Englund ham it up towards the end of the film. So yeah, this film has a lot of bad but there’s also enough goofy, gory fun to be had by fans of such things to keep them entertained throughout its 120 min runtime.
As with the other Roger Corman’s Cult Classics that Shout! Factory has put out, this Blu-ray comes packed with extras. There’s an entertaining commentary with the cast and crew, a documentary called “New Worlds” about the production company Corman started to bring his “classics” to the masses. “The Crew of the Quest” is a collection of interviews with some of the cast of this movie, with genre fan favorites Robert Englund, Sid Haig being the stars of the show. Additionally there are featurettes on the film sets, one on the mechanical effects, a third about the movie’s post production, one about the movie’s composer, and one last one on then co-production designer James Cameron. Yes, that James Cameron. There’s he nice addition of the original screenplay as a PDF file and the usual trailers, posters and still galleries to complete the package.
If you are a fan of cult films then you’ll probably love this movie as it’s the cult-iest I’ve seen in a long time. If you saw this movie years ago and have been waiting to see hot maggot raping action in glorious hi-def…then ewww…but also you’re in luck as this movie has never looked, or sounded, this good. For those with a taste for the cheesy and the bizarre I highly recommend this movie.
DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978)
Director: George A. Romero Cast: David Emge, Ken Foree, Scott H. Reiniger, Gaylen Ross
You know, if I wasn’t getting these BDs from across the pond to review, I would have a jealous hatred of Brits for all the kick ass discs they get as opposed to the BDs and DVDs we get here in North America. While that is common for many titles and companies, Arrow Video from the UK seems to take some sick pride in outshining the discs Hollywood puts out. Take this one for example. American based Anchor Bay has a great little Blu-ray of this, the best zombie movie ever made, the original DAWN OF THE DEAD. As far as looks and sounds, this one from Arrow matches but doesn’t best it. Where this Arrow Video release does excel is in the area of extras and special features.
All the usual Arrow goodies are once again present. Double-sided sleeve art which gives you four options for BD cover. A double-sided wall poster and a 15 page collector’s booklet round out the non-disc extras. As for the discs, they are region free so they can play on any player in the world, and this time around there’s three Blu-rays to choose from, each containing a different cut of the film. There’s the original theatrical cut, the director’s cut, and the Italian Argent cut. Not enough for you yet? Well there’s the usual commentary with Romero and special effects guru Tom Savini, a second commentary with the film’s producer, trailers, TV and radio spots. What is far than usual is the feature length documentary “Document of the Dead” that even has its own extras like interviews and deleted scenes that didn’t make it into the doc. And as if THAT wasn’t enough, there’s yet one more featurette, “Fan of the Dead”. So with all that, it looks pretty obvious that those devious Brits are trying their best to make this the One Disc to Rule Them All when it comes to DAWN OF THE DEAD.
As for the movie, as I’ve done with other must see horror classics, I’m not going to get into it here. Come one, it’s DAWN OF THE DEAD, I know you’ve had to have see this. But just in case you haven’t, it’s got zombies, a shopping mall, clever social satire, groovy seventies fashion, some early but still wicked gore effects, and an admittedly silly ending. If you look up “horror classic” in the dictionary, this movie will be staring back up at you.
Sure this luxury import will cost you more than the perfectly good domestic Blu-ray, so you’ve got to ask yourself is all the extra content and goodies worth it? Well only you know the answer to that, but as for me, I highly recommend them.
CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD (1980)
Director: Lucio Fulci Cast: Christopher George, Catriona MacColl, Carlo De Mejo
I love this movie. If it’s not my favorite Italian gore flick, it’s right up there. The story is bizarre, the special makeup effects are gag-inducing, and it’s all around 80s horror gold. Now if you live in North America and love this movie as much as I do and want it on Blu-ray, then chances are good you’ve already got an excellent copy of it on BD from Blue Underground. However if you live anywhere else in the world, or your just an unabashed fanboy of Britain’s Arrow Video, then this just might be the disc you’ve been waiting for because happily it’s region free (something I think all discs should be) so you can play it anywhere. That means you, as a true horrorhead, now have more choices in how you get your CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD fix, and that’s always a good thing.
Now just in case you are not familiar with this movie, I’ll give you the Cliff Notes version. There’s a city called Dunwich (no relation to infamous town created by H.P. Lovecraft) where a priest hangs himself, thereby cracking the gate to hell open. Soon the priest, or zombie, or whatever of the dead priest is popping up all over town, leaving horribly mangled bodies in its wake. Oh and did I mention the zombies? Yeah, can’t forget about them. Just like you can’t forget some of the most memorable gore scenes ever committed on film. Guy getting a drill through the head? Check. Another guy getting his brains squished out by a zombie-thing’s hand, and lets not forget the epic girl-puking-out-her-own-guts-in-proper-anatomical-order scene. Well that’s it for the two cent tour. The rest I leave for you to discover, and besides, if mentioning a woman barfing out her insides in glorious color isn’t enough to convince you to get this movie, then nothing I write here will convince you.
On to what Arrow Video does best; the extras. Once more there’s the double-sided sleeve art, and the double sided wall poster, not to mention a fifteen page booklet about the movie, and a set of six poster art postcards. In addition to those wonderful goodies, there are plenty of extras and featurettes included with this package. Ten of them to be exact, so I won’t be going into all of them here. Let’s just say that they cover pretty much all aspects of the movie and are unique to this edition of the movie. There’s also an audio commentary with legendary genre actor Giovanni Lombardo Radice, and another with lead actress Catriona Macoll. Topping things off are the usual trailers and still galleries.
This is a great addition to the library of any horror fan, and since it can be played in any and all BD players, that alone might be reason enough to pick up this disc. I, however, am just a huge fan of all the extras, attention to details, and overall great quality that Arrow punts into all their discs. For all those reasons, I can highly recommend an extended visit to this CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD.
I have a confession to make: I’m not a big fan of mysteries. Somehow I’ve always equated the genre with either the bland elegance of the “cozies” (think Agatha Christie), over-amped thrillers in which the thrills all feel empty, or police procedurals with lantern-jawed investigators who puzzle endlessly over tiny clues (I do have a solid affection, though, for noir). Mysteries usually feel to me like “horror lite” – drained of the intense emotions that give horror its passion and punch. And then I see something like Bong Joon-ho’s Mother and it all goes out the window. This latest offering from the director of The Host has far more in common with David Lynch’s Blue Velvet (which is arguably more of a horror film than a mystery) than it does with, say, James Patterson. Not only does it play on the theme of a small town with evil lurking just below the surface (as Velvet does), but it even includes one scene that looks like deliberate homage, when our title character hides in a closet and spies a potential murderer engaging in sex. It also features Blue Velvet’s wicked sense of humor (both films have strangely positioned corpses!) and superb craftsmanship. However, where the two differ is in the directors’ world-views: Lynch really believes in the innocence of his protagonists, while no one is innocent in Bong’s milieu. Mother’s p.o.v. is perfectly expressed in one line of dialogue, when one character tells another: “Don’t trust anyone.” Bong’s work has always been defined by his engaging approach to characters, and that sly sense of humor. Most Americans know The Host, a giant monster movie that also included a controversial funeral scene, in which the dysfunctional family turned a somber moment into an over-the-top fight (a scene which I found hilarious, while others thought it downright offensive). But not many of us have seen Bong’s earlier efforts, the strange little urban dramedy Barking Dogs Never Bite and the reality-based Memories of Murder. The latter film included a scene that I thought perfectly defined the difference between Bong’s sensibility and nearly any American director’s: While police pick over a field for clues to a murder, they suddenly realize they’ve traipsed all over the footprints left by the killer and obliterated their best evidence. It was a funny, frustrating bit, and felt all too human.
Mother feels closer to Memories of Murder than the big budget The Host. It focuses on Do-joon, a twentysomething man who is mentally handicapped; Do-joon can’t remember things that happened to him a day ago, although sometimes massaging his temples helps. Do-joon’s mother works several jobs in an effort to support them, including a gig as an unlicensed acupuncturist. One night Do-joon makes plans to visit his conniving friend Jin-tae for a drinking session, but when Jin-tae never appears, Do-joon staggers home drunkenly, briefly following a young girl…who turns up murdered the next day, her body draped strangely over the edge of a rooftop. The only clue (a golfball Do-joon had thrown in anger during his walk) points to Do-joon, and he’s arrested for the murder. Content with neither the lackluster cops nor her grinning, slimy attorney, Mother attempts to take the murder investigation into her own hands. She urges Do-joon to try to remember…but unfortunately what her son ends up remembering – Mother’s attempt to kill both of them when Do-joon was five – backfires badly. Mother first suspects, then uses Jin-tae, and the investigation leads to (among other things) a creepy abandoned amusement park, a girl who creates custom “pervert phones”, a filthy junk collector, a disturbed young man who has escaped from a sanitarium, and two glue-sniffing high school kids who get the crap beaten out of them (in the film’s most gruesome scene of bloody violence). Mother’s ultimate revelation is shocking, tragic, and completely believable. This isn’t a thriller from the M. Night Shyamalan school, where the twist ending causes the entire film to fall apart. The killer’s reveal makes the film pull together even more; in fact, there’s almost not a single wasted frame in Mother, as even small details add up throughout to the devastating conclusion.
If Mother doesn’t have a Frank Booth (everyone in Mother is potentially a villain), lead actress Kim Hye-ja’s magnificent performance may just be the equal of Dennis Hopper’s. Her Mother is strong, and yet deluded by her son’s handicap; she’s tutored him to react violently to anyone who calls him a “retard”, but she also tells police “he couldn’t hurt a water bug”. Throughout the film, Mother slowly loses her grip on sanity, and Kim makes the slow transition as terrifying as anything in a more traditional horror film. Kim is so utterly convincing as the middle-aged woman who has given her life away to her son that it’s almost hard to believe she’s an actress. Korean heartthrob Won Bin is terrific as Do-joon; he deftly manages to avoid the clichés of playing a mentally handicapped adult, and makes Do-joon alternately likeable, pathetic, and revolting.
Also worth noting is Lee Byung-woo’s score. The Koreans favor orchestral scores over synthesized, and they seem to especially excel in scores that rely on simple acoustic guitar themes, like Mother’s. Lee’s building up a body of work – including Hansel and Gretel and A Tale of Two Sisters – that has made him my favorite contemporary film composer. I don’t want to risk either giving anything away, or over-hyping Mother, although that would be virtually impossible. Let’s just say right here that it’s probably the most compelling and finest film I’ve seen in the last two years. Even if – like me – you’re normally apathetic towards mysteries, I almost guarantee you’ll love your Mother.
Every now and then I get bored with my normal movie-watching habits. I've got my favorite theaters, favorite video stores, favorite websites. I know where I can find good stuff, but sometimes I do wonder what else is out there that I'm missing. It's then that I try experiments.
Once I decided to take 30 bucks to a Wal-Mart clearance rack to see if I could find any decent horror movies. While I can't say I scored much in the way of good horror, I did find one where Chuck Norris played an angel and shot fire from his fingertips. That one bit made the thirty dollars well spent. And while at a used book store I tweaked that idea and came up with a new experiment.
One video bargain rack. Ten dollars (before tax). Would I be able to find anything decent? I'm not going to give it away, but at least it was interesting. Here's a run-down of what I scored:
Holla If I Kill You/Peter Rottentail ($2.00) Wow. What a way to start out the experiment. This double dose of horror comedies come our way via brothers Mark and John Polonia. Together they produced over twenty direct-to-video flicks. A part of me is not very surprised-for appearing to have NO budget, they put together a duo of workable movies. But considering these were done later in their career, they could have come up with better scripts. The first movie is about a bad comedian whose hecklers all turn up dead. The latter is about an evil children's birthday party magician who comes back from the dead as a satanic rabbit. The jokes abound, but are predictable (as are the endings). I think I can honestly say these would be much better if enjoyed with intoxicating beverages. Lots of them.
Cock Fighter/Cell Block Girls ($1.00) I was drawn to buy this because of the fact Mickey Rooney was in a Women-In-Prison flick, and also because I was getting two chances at a good movie for a buck. Cock Fighter was actually a decent film. Not a horror movie, but probably the darkest out of all in this experiment. Warren Oats wants nothing more for his life than to win the "Cock Fighter of the Year" medal (I had no idea there were medals for that sort of thing). He loses everything-his house, his wife, his girlfriend-in search of that goal. There was a big dramatic line to end it, unfortunately the cheap disc cut if off. If anyone knows what it was, please let me know. This one wins the award for best tagline: "He came to town with his cock in his hand and did something with it that's illegal in 49 states." I'm not kidding. That's the real tagline. Cell Block Girls was so painfully bad I had to stop watching ten minutes into it (and that says something, considering I attempted it AFTER sitting through both Polonia movies in their entirety). I never did make it to the Andy Rooney bits. I should probably be grateful.
Teenage Monster ($3.00) The most expensive of the finds, and the only stand-alone movie I picked up. And it ended up being one of my favorites of the haul. It has its faults. Ooh boy, does it have faults. When Charles was a little boy he was with his father in a gold mine when it was hit by some random electricity from outer space. It killed his father and turned him into a mentally deficient werewolf. He lives with his mom, who tries her best to hide him. But poor Charles just wants to come out and play.... Oh, there are so many plot holes here. What the hell was that electricity from outer space? Why does Charles sometimes speak in growls and sometimes in perfect English? All in all, none of this matters, because the pacing is so spot on that, as soon as a question comes to mind you're distracted with a new bit of excitement. Not to mention the monster (with make-up effects from the legendary Jack Pierce) looks pretty spiffy for a 50s sci-fi creature. Recommended, not for the scares, but for sheer fun.
Creature from the Haunted Sea/She Gods of the Shark Reef ($1.00) The bargain racks seem to overflow with double features like this, with public domain movies put out cheaply (see Cock Fighter above) then sold at places like the 99 Cent Store or Dollar Tree. This is one of those double features, but the appealing part is both movies were directed by the great Roger Corman. His might not be the most artistic of movies, but at least they're usually fun. She Gods of the Shark Reef is like any number of "Men Find Island/Planet/Tribe of Women Totally Isolated From Males" flicks from the 50s and 60s, and this one follows all the standards to a tee. There's a sleazy guy and a heroic guy. They find this tribe of women who haven't seen a man for generations. Immediately, the most beautiful woman feels a surge of hormones and falls for heroic guy. Guys fight monster off for the helpless women, take beautiful girl and go home. That covers not just this movie, but a whole horde of others that used to be the staples of late night broadcast TV. Maybe if I hadn't heard the story before I would have been more entertained. Instead I was just a little bored here. Creature From the Haunted Sea, on the other hand, was a total hoot. Played for laughs, a criminal is stowed away on a boat smuggling gold out of Cuba. His fellow passengers include one man who, due to an injury, can only smile no matter what he feels, and another man who speaks in animal sounds. In order to run off with the gold, he fakes a sea creature to kill off the other passengers. Little does he know a real sea creature is stalking them. With this one, Corman accepted he was making a clichéd movie and instead of playing it straight the way he did with She Creature he satirized the very genre, and it worked. Well.
Ghost Killers 3-Pack with Tormented, Nightmare Castle and The Spirit Hunter ($3.00) This was a weird trip. The draw here was one movie with Richard Carlson and another one with Barbara Steele, both of whom have made quality horror flicks. Not much was said about the third. Tormented stars Richard Carlson as a man who is about to be married. Unfortunately, his mistress is none too thrilled with this prospect. An accident happens and he has a chance to save her...and passes. Her very pissed off ghost does everything she can to mess things up for him. Interesting morality play, great pacing, all in all a win. Nightmare Castle has Barbara Steele in a dual role as the wife of Dr. Arrowsmith. He murders her and her lover so he can use their blood to restore the youth of his own lover. Then he tries to seduce her sister so he can get the money left to her by his murdered wife. Although the plot sounds somewhat muddled, it was actually a pretty good little movie. The performances were spot-on, the minimal effects weren't groundbreaking, but better than most of the movies from that time. All in all, I was happy with it. So back to back I had two 60s era public domain quality horror flicks, and I was expecting the third to be the same. Then it came on. The Spirit Hunter was made forty years after the other two, shot on digital video with actors that may or may not be professional. We start out with a guy being chased by weird lights. Turns out he's dead and those lights are the titular Spirit Hunters, trying to catch his soul and send him to hell. How can he make it to heaven? He has to find his body. Hurm. Okay. The problem is our dead hero lost most of the memories of his life so he must get them back, figure out where his body is, and touch it before he gets sent to hell. Meanwhile, he and the other characters discuss religion, god and Jesus. Then he runs from more god-awful computer effects. Now, I know a lot of Christians and a decent number of them are horror fans. Yet whenever I see a Christian Horror movie, they seem plagued by bad effects, unrealistic dialogue and wooden performances. And that makes me wonder why so many go so cheap with the quality of their films when they add a religious element. But that's for another column. The numerous failings of The Spirit Hunter were only magnified by seeing this after two great pieces of scare cinema.
If this column had included finds from various weeks, there would have been a Hammer Horror flick, some vintage exploitation, a couple strange Indonesian monster movies and some art trash. Sure, I've found some absolutely horrible things in the bargain bin. That's a chance you take when blindly diving into some movies you've never heard of before. Risks like that can be a lot of fun, and when you're paying a few cents per movie, it's a risk that is much easier to take.
WHERE TO FIND THESE MOVIES: All movies mentioned in this article were found at the bargain rack at Half Price Books in Dallas, TX on the Northwest Highway off the 75.
This month, I watched a couple not-so-classic horror films and one classic 80s cult favorite that every movie fan must see...
AGAINST THE DARK (2009)
Directed by Richard Crudo. With Steven Seagal, Tanoai Reed, Jenna Harrison
Oh Jesus Christ!!! Where do I start? I used to like Steven Seagal back when he did “Good” movies like the ones from the 80’s and early 90’s but damn dude, go back to New Orleans and be a cop. His acting has taken a major shit dive. Steven seems to be a good cop and a half way decent musician but that’s about it. Director Richard Crudo should have changed his name to Alan Smithee for this movie. Anyway, the story goes like this. Resident Evil like virus turns the population into flesh eating blood drinking creatures. A bad assed group of human hunters lead by bad ass Tao go after the zombie vampires or are they vampire zombies, hell, it doesn’t matter because it doesn’t make the movie any better. Enter, an abandoned hospital crowded with the infected creatures and six non-infected survivors and guess who has to save them…anybody..anybody.. That’s right!! Bad ass Tao and his group of bad asses. Watching this movie makes you forget about Blade. Tao is Blade and Bruce Lee rolled up with Chuck Norris boots on. Just kidding. Wesley Snipes would be rolling over in his grave if he saw how bad this movie was. (he would commit suicide) To top everything off, they only have a short time to find and save the survivors because the military is going to sanitize the area, you know the way. BIG BADDA BOOM!!! And they make it. Never saw that coming. Oh!! I forgot. Tao has a sword too and he knows how to use it. Heads flying and impalements and stuff. If you absolutely have to watch this watch it with a buzz, it might ease the pain.
LONG TIME DEAD (2002)
Directed by Marcus Adams. With Joe Absolom, Lara Belmont, Melanie Gutteridge
A group of British college students who all live together decide to go to the club one night. After a long night of drinking and drugs they decide to make a homemade Ouija board out of a piece of discarded glass and post-it notes. Using a glass as a pointer, they all place their fingers on the pointer and the fun starts. They begin asking questions and Liam begins having flash backs from his youth. Everything is fun and games until the board starts spelling out "All Die.” Liam freaks out and trashes the board before closing the link to the spirit world. Unknown to the group, an ancient evil is unleashed and starts killing off the group one by one…EVEN LUKAS HAAS! The only way to send the demon back is for everybody that helped to summon it to die. Liam is having flash backs more often now about a ritual that happened when he was young and decides to visit his father in an asylum. His father has encountered this demon before. His friends are being stalked by a demon called a “Djinn” pronounced “gin.” The djinn starts picking off the kids one by one but they all have a commonality in death, they have severe burn marks. I don’t want to give away too much of the plot but the land lord of the apartment the kids live in is far too familiar with what’s going on. Is he an ally? The movie is predictable but it’s not bad. I saw it on cable and would probably rent it if given a chance. The acting was good and the story wasn’t unique but it was entertaining.
HOWARD THE DUCK (1986)
Directed by Willard Huyck. With Lea Thompson, Jeffrey Jones, Tim Robbins
Extraterrestrial life form, Howard, a duck the size of a small human man, is unknowingly brought to Earth through a laser beam in an experiment being performed by a Cleveland physicist Dr. Walter Jenning, and his assistant Phil Blumburtt. Howard winds up in a Cleveland, alleyway where he rescues and quickly befriends singer Beverly Switzer from a group of thugs. Because of Howards blatant escapades and several near death experiences because of his smart ass remarks, the government is told about Howard and the fun begins. Beverly helps Phil and Dr. Jenning hide Howard from the authorities until they can get him back home. While Beverly and Phil are trying to keep Howard hidden, Dr. Jenning goes back to the lab and has a disastrous accident with the laser and an evil being known as a Dark Overlord arrives through the laser beam and takes possession of Dr. Jenning’s body. Phil, Beverly and Howard arrive at the lab after the accident. The government and authorities show up and Dr Jenning, Beverly and Howard escape from the lab however Phil isn’t so lucky. Dr Jenning starts a transformation putting Howard, Beverly, and Phil in a fight for their lives to get Howard back home and the Dark Overlord banished. Howard isn’t a bad movie. It’s one to watch if nothing else bad is on. The special effects are great for that time. We had stop motion animation in the 80’s not CGI. I guess the effects were great because of ILM doing them. After seeing this movie you have to ask yourself, “What the hell was George Lucas thinking?” I guess he needed a break from Goddom (is that a word? Like stardom only God like)
AND YES, HOWARD HAS WON SOME AWARDS…… 4 wins & 4 nominations 1990 nominated Razzie award Worst Picture of the Decade: Gloria Katz 1987 won Razzie award Worst New Star: “The six guys and gals in the duck suit" 1987 won Razzie award Worst Picture: Gloria Katz Tied with Under the Cherry Moon (1986) 1987 won Razzie award Worst Screenplay: Willard Huyck, Gloria Katz 1987 won Razzie award Worst Visual Effects 1987 nominated Razzie award Worst Director: Willard Huyck 1987 nominated Razzie award Worst Original Song: Thomas Dolby Allee Willis, George S. Clinton For the song "Howard The Duck" 1987 nominated Razzie award Worst Supporting Actor: Tim Robbins
From the start the goal of Hidden Horrors has been to shine a weak and feeble light on the hideous horrors in the dark that I felt all horrorheads should become better acquainted with. Sounds, sights, stuff to read, wear, and collect, whatever strikes my fear fancy is what I will always talk about here. However, sometimes, right after I cover one aspect of horror goodness, I become aware of something else that I also should have mentioned, if only I had known of it a few weeks, perhaps just a few days, earlier. That is what this month’s HH is all about, those things I just missed covering, but those things that are too cool not to cover as soon as humanly possible. So consider this a scary scattershot of delightfully frightful things that range widely, but all have the highest quality in common.
The very first Hidden Horrors I ever did was about fearful treats for the ears. Well since then I have become aware of two more aural delights of darkness that need illumination. Furthermore, both relate directly to the works of H.P. Lovecraft, so Cthulhu cultists rejoice, you’re about to get a double dose of mythos goodness.
First let me tell you of my new weekly addiction, THE H. P. LOVECRAFT LITERARY PODCAST, which you can find at http://hppodcraft.com. Words are not enough to express how much I love this podcast. Interpretive dance might do my deep feelings for it justice, but since you can’t see that, I guess words will have to do. The HPLLP (as I call it) is the Lovecraftian lovechild of two HPL fanatics, Chris Lackey and Chad Fifer. What they got into their warped minds to do was a weekly podcast where they would discuss each and every story Lovecraft ever wrote in the order in which he wrote them. Now if that was all there was to this, it would still be a very fine podcast, a little dry probably, but fine. However, what these two produce consistently, week after week, is nothing less than pure Innsmouth Gold (HPL-heads will get that, the rest of you…probably not).
Chris and Chad discuss each story both great insight and (thankfully) humor. You can tell that not only are these two good friends, which makes for easy, lighthearted conversations between them, but they're also true fans of HPL. And like true fans, they can geek out over some things, yet still point out the flaws and foibles of Lovecraft without it ever dampening their obvious appreciation for the man’s work. In addition to well thought out, and funny discussions between these two, they often have guests join them in their critical analysis. Like such big names in the Cthulhu world as Kenneth Hite, S.T. Joshi, and even RE-ANIMATOR director, Stuart Gordon. As if that wasn’t enough, each podcast has selected passages from the story in question read, and often acted out, by a variety of actors, Lovecraft fans, and people with just plain old nice sounding voices. Oh, and did I mention that the dramatic readings are accompanied by thoroughly spooky mood music? Well, they are.
Again, let me stress how much I love this weekly show. It’s both hilarious and scholarly (a very rare combination), it’s about one of my favorite authors, the production values are sky high, there are often guest stars that I want to know more about, oh, and one more thing; IT’S ALL FOR FREE!
That’s right, hours and hours of entertainment (as they are currently up to their 50th podcast) all for free.
So if you are a fan of HPL, someone who’s heard of the Great Gentleman from Providence, but have never read his storie,s and often wondered what all the fuss was about, or you just like entertaining podcasts, in general, then you simple must go to THE H. P. LOVECRAFT LITERARY PODCAST and fill your iPod with eldritch horrors man was never meant to know. Go now, Great Cthulhu commands it!
Another great auditory treat for Lovecraft-o-philes comes from the H.P. LOVECRAFT HISTORICAL SOCIETY, or the HPLHS. These are the same creative geniuses that brought out the wonderful black and white, not to mention silent, CALL OF CTHULHU movie back in 2005 and will soon unleash upon an unsuspecting world another HPL inspired film, THE WHISPERER IN DARKNESS. Well when they are not busy making movies, the HPLHS is bust making some truly gorgeous art and props for Lovecraft collectors and those who play the CALL OF CTHULHU game. When they are not busy doing that, they make t-shirts, mugs, hats, and idols of evil alien gods. And somehow, in the midst of all that, these crazily creative cultists managed to bring out four truly awesome radio plays based on four of Lovecraft’s best stories.
Called the DARK ADVENTURE RADIO THEATER, these four CDs cover the HPL stories of “At the Mountains of Madness”, “Shadow of Innsmouth”, “Shadow out of Time” and “The Dunwich Horror”. Each is a fully acted out radio play, the kind you could imagine Lovecraft himself listening to back in the “good old days”, with music, and sound effects. The presentation is complete with an announcer/host at the beginning and end of each story, and humorous sponsor spots also at the start of the shows, but thankfully not during them. And since I just mentioned the word “presentation” let me saw WOW, does the HPLHS believe that presentation is everything. Each CD comes pack with artistic goodies to more fully enhance your enjoyment of the story. “Mountains of Madness” has photos of the ancient alien city and a newspaper article about the ill-fated expedition. “Innsmouth” has a map of the town drawn on the back of a fish wrapper and a matchbook (complete with a single remaining match) with an important name scribbled inside. “Dunwich” has a hand drawn page of magical incantations from Wilbur’s notebook and even a page from the dreaded Necronomicon its self. Those are just some of the extras you get with the CDs, but wait; I didn’t even mention the cool box that looks like an antique radio that holds all the discs. Believe me when I say that this is one set you are far more likely to display somewhere proudly rather than file away with all the other, far more mundane CDs.
As for the radio shows, they are, in a word, mondo-super-deluxe-fantastic! I’ve listened to each story more than once and they have yet to get old. The acting is top notch, the music is wonderful, and the sound effects are brilliant and sometimes, as with the flying polyps’ screeching whistling, terrifying. Fans of Lovecraft simply must get this now. Right now! Do not pass GO, do not collect $200, but instead go here http://www.cthulhulives.org and order your own copy of DARK ADVENTURE RADIO THEATER today. You can thank me later.
Back in February I did a Hidden Horror on ultra-cool horror t-shirts. One month later I can across another online shirt seller with enough awesome goodies that I felt the need to tell you about them as soon as possible and not wait to do a Terror T-shirts Two article. The destination I speak of is Sighco.com, and with a name like that you might not know that these guys and gals some of the best looking, most well made, and unique shirts (and other items) for the discriminating horrorhead. Let me run through a few, will you?
First they have a ton of shirts based on H.P. Lovecraft and the weird worlds he created. Just in case you couldn’t tell from the reviews above, I am a huge fan of HPL, so naturally I was all over these wares. Two of my favorites were a tribal Cthulhu design and a red and black button up bowling shirt with an advertisement for the Miskatonic Cocktail Club on its back. However if you’re a horror fan that’s not into the whole Cthulhu is awesome thing, then shame on you, but Sighco still has you covered, so don’t worry. Dig zombies? Well these guys show more cadaver love than a necrophiliac with a bunch of zombie related items. Like the bloodsucking variety of undead over the brain eaters? Well the vampires are well represented. Bit of a furry? Even the lycanthropes get some play. Are you into Edgar Allan Poe? Well after Lovecraft, the father of the modern mystery is the next most covered celebrity. Maybe you like your “evil” a bit more generic? Well there’s plenty of Satan, skulls, and spooky things like bones and spider webs, not to mention the cool odd bits like a Grendal, Jack the Ripper, Pazuzu, pirates, the King in Yellow, and man I could go on and on and on.
Not into horror? Then what the hell are you doing here? Well even you poor fools without any sense of taste can find shirts here based on Asian/anime culture, steampunk, weird history, geeks (as in computers, role playing games, etc), the occult, alcohol-themed, and even shirts that let you fly your fetish (as in BDSM) flag high. Essentially if something is strange, underground, or just plain cool, chances are these customer clothiers will have something covering the topic. Further, they are all very well made, and their graphics hold up well and remain sharp even after repeat washings.
But ok, let’s say that you’ve already got a closet full of T-shirts and don’t really want any more. Well then once more you’re in luck, as Sighco has other goodies to offer. Shot glasses, beer glasses, baseball caps, knitted hats, hoodies, work shirts, Goth arm warmers, thongs, sexy yet spooky stockings, bumper stickers, Cthulhu Christmas cards, and even a small but fine collection of movies and CDs. If you are looking for a one stop shop for everything cool, you will be hard pressed to find any better than this one. Give ‘em a look for yourself her: http://www.sighco.com. Go for the awesome T-shirts but stay for all the other cool things they have to offer.
Now for something that doesn’t have even the slightest connection to H.P. Lovecraft. If you are a fan of Freddy Kruger, or even if you’ve just ever watched any of the NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET flicks, then chances are good that you thought Freddy’s signature claw was way wicked cool and something that would be so awesome to own. I would have to agree with you on that. The good news is that there’s a ton of people out there making replicas of Mr. Kruger’s claw. The bad news is that there’s a ton of people out there making replicas of Mr. Kruger’s claw, so which one do you spend your hard earned money on? Well being your good pal, I’m looking out for you, so I’ve done all the leg work to help make your choice easier.
I have seen a lot of Freddy glove reproductions over the years, usually at horror conventions and the like. Out of all the creators there was only a very short list of the best glove makers and at the top of that list is Mark at www.Knifegloves.com. His gloves are, in a world, amazing. When discussing collectibles such as these, there are three things to consider; looks, feel, and quality, so that is how I’ll review this Freddy fanboy’s fever dream (or would that be nightmare?) come true.
Regarding its looks, I can sum it up with one word: amazing. If you want more than one word, then how about it appears totally authentic and looks like it just came off the hand of the toasted child killer himself. This is perhaps the most important aspect of gloves like these, since chances are all you’re going to do with these bladed gloves is mount them on a wall, or place them on a shelf or mantel for everyone to see. At least, I hope that’s all you’re going to do with it. In this regard, this glove gets an A+. It looks old, dirty, and weathered despite being newly assembled just a few weeks ago. If you want an excellent objet d’ arte then this will definitely fit the bill. But is there more to it? Yes there is.
The feel of this glove, if you are so inclined to sip it on, and if you get one I know you will, is perfect. The way the joins move, the feel of the leather against your skin, the slight clicking sounds, all goes towards giving this glove an authentic feel. Seeing it is one thing, but putting it one really gives you an idea of how nasty this weapon could be if you were sick enough to use it. It also surprisingly light, which is a godsend when you are out on an all night stalking…not that I’m speaking from experience or anything. So while this glove is mainly intended to look at, it is nice that it has the proper feel as well.
Now as for the quality, that’s where this knife glove really shines. It is completely handmade out of the appropriate materials. The finger columns and tips are .0216" copper, the back plate is .016" brass, and rivets are something called "gilt" rivets. I’m not sure what they are made out of, but they look like brass. The blades are made from mirrored 16 gauge stainless steel and the glove is 100% cowhide leather. However more than the sum of its parts, this glove is just well put together. It feels solid, sturdy. While I wouldn’t recommend trying to punch through doors with it, it will last forever if treated with the proper care.
As said before, I’ve seen other Freddy gloves and while some looked good, felt fine, or were well made, few, if any put all three aspects together as completely as craft master Mark did. If you want your own set of Freddy finger knives, then I highly recommend getting yours at www.Knifegloves.com. He has a few different gloves to chose from, so no mater your financial situation he is sure to have something just right for your budget. And rest assured, even his “cheap” gloves aren’t cheaply made. Quality seems to be everything to Mark, and that is truly evident in this glove. In three words: I love it.
