Celluloid Horrors Movie Reviews

Machete (2010)
Review written by Steven M. Duarte

The wait is finally over and the highly anticipated Machete full feature film is finally here. So does it live up to the hype of the trailer we first saw 3 years ago?

For those of you who don’t already know Machete is the full film that was initially a fake trailer made for the Grindhouse collaboration created by Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino back in 2007. While the trailer was fake the idea for a Machete movie came about after Desperado was done filming in the 90’s. It’s reported that Rodriguez wrote a script for the film back in 1995 but never actually filmed anything for it. After much fanfare and reported campaigning from star Danny Trejo Rodriguez finally decided to make Machete his next feature film.

Boy are you in for a ride. The film starts off with a bang showcasing the scratchy dirty print effects that was used with Planet Terror. We are shown Machete as a Federale' raiding a drug kingpin's hideout. The kingpin is actually Steven Segal playing a Mexican. Not really the best choice in my opinion, but still pretty cool to see him back on the big screen. Without spoiling anything we are treated to gratuitous nudity and over the top gore-- very over the top. If you saw Planet Terror then you can pretty much expect the same type of gore in Machete. I would even say it’s much more over the top than Planet Terror.

We are treated to an all star cast with the likes of Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Don Johnson, Tom Savini, the list goes on and on. We have Lindsey Lohan playing a drug addicted whore which made an easy fit for her to get into character. The majority of the characters work with the exception of the previously mentioned Segal who pretty much is just there for the coolness factor. De Niro did a decent job as a rightwing Republican who’s anti-immigration.

The film couldn’t come at a better time considering the hot topic of immigration in the public’s eye. The film makes pretty bold statements about immigration and really shows both sides of the argument.

Now on to why this film may not do well. When the grindhouse films came out in 2007 the general public did not understand the films. They are too used to seeing films made with very serious tones and came in expecting a serious action/horror flick. Little did they know that the films were throwbacks to the days when drive ins were king and they showed grindhouse double features. The films were almost always cheesy and over the top with gratuitous nudity and or gore. Now since people don’t like what they don’t understand the films did not do very well. Of course there’s a cult following for the films but the general public dismissed it. Machete may meet the same demise as it’s very much a grindhouse film. I did a little observation in the theater I was in and found many people shaking their heads and even heard comments that this was dumb. Again people just don’t get it. You have to feed to them the same bullshit over and over and anything out of the norm they dislike. Well here’s hoping people “get it.”

Final Thoughts:

Another fine Grindhouse film that I hope Tarantino and Rodriguez continue to make more of. Machete really delivered on my expectations from the trailer that was made a couple of years ago. Some of the dialogue alone is enough to warrant a viewing. The successful or failure of this film may affect other “grindhouse titles in development such as Eli Roth’s Thanksgiving and the rumored Werewolf Women of the S.S.

3 1/2 OUT OF 4 STARS



--Steven M Duarte













SECRETS OF SEX (1969) – DVD review
Reviewed by Brian M. Sammons

Director: Antony Balch
Cast: Richard Shulman, Janet Spearman, Dorothy Grumbar

No...it’s not what you think…not at all

I got this sent to me the other day and I scratched my head when I saw it. Was someone sending me soft-core porn to review now? Not that I would complain too loudly, but that’s not the kind of movie I usually review. Then I read the back of the DVD box and saw words like “mummies”, “undead”, and “erotic horror cult classic” and I decided to give it a look. And when the movie was over I was still confused as hell.

SECRETS OF SEX, also known under the more appropriate title of BIZARRE, is a late 60s English anthology film so at first I thought it might like the old Avco-Embassy flicks like VAULT OF HOROR and TALES FROM THE CRYPT but with more boobies. But then it starts with pictures of naked men and woman while an Egyptian mummy, your narrator and host of this film, asks repeatedly, “Imagine making love to this girl, imagine making love to this boy, imagine making love to this girl, imagine making love to this boy, imagine making love to this girl…” and on and on. The some girls dance around in their panties and some guys show up with Tommy guns and I’ve got W.T.F. stuck on repeat in my mind. Then, after this overly long intro, the stories begin. The first one shows some promise as goofy, nudie, horror fun with a S&M photo shoot taken to the extreme, but after that there’s a whole lot of pointless nothing. A lonely man catches a cute girl breaking into his house so they have sex and then…noting. No twists, no real point, that’s the whole of the story. Another one has a weird guy ordering up a call girl so they can do it while his pet iguana watches. Another has a woman having sex with an old man even though she knows she can’t have a normal baby. I could go on and on with these, but already I am forgetting these silly, rather pointless, and thoroughly non-horrific stories so why bother?

That said, I did kind of enjoy this movie in a weird way as a quasi-historical document. It was so completely 60s-licious, with the clothes, bright colors, and truth be told, cute all natural girls, that as a curious artifact of a long lost era I kind of dug it. For those reasons alone I can recommend film, but it’s not scary, not funny, only sort of sexy, but it does have a nice weird vibe to it. So if you’re into strange 60s skin flicks then Synapse Films have put out a pretty good DVD for you. The picture looks clear and sharp, there’s audio commentary with the producer and film historian, an interview with the writer of the movie, and a couple of short films directed by the director of this movie and featuring notorious author William S. Burroughs.

If you are looking for a slice of 60s naughty English cinema then this is the movie for you. However if you want some horrific fun then look elsewhere because despite having a mummy as your host, this movie is about as scary as Pee Wee Herman abusing himself in porno theater. Wait, it’s not even that scary.



--Brian M. Sammons








PSYCHO LEGACY (2010) – DVD review
Reviewed by Brian M. Sammons

Director: Robert V. Galluzzo
Stars: Robert Loggia, Olivia Hussey, Henry Thomas, Tom Holland

Docs on famous horror flicks are all the rage right now, which is a good thing since all that’s coming out of Hollywood horror-wise anymore are nonstop remakes, it’s good to remember when horror flicks were, well good. This latest documentary is on one of the best, most classic, and most influential horror movies of all time; PSYCHO and the three sequels that followed it all starting the late, great Anthony Perkins. But does this 90 minuet doc do that amazing film justice? Well grab your wig, dress, and butcher knife and let’s find out.

This film starts off as it should with the original film. It goes on about what a genius Hitchcock was and how talented the actors were, which is to be expected, but there is one large, glaring missing part. Well, mostly missing. The sum total of length the documentary devotes to the original novel, without which there would have been no movie, and the author of that game changing book, Robert Bloch, is about two minuets. Now there is a featurette on the extras disc about the book and author, so I guess that’s something, but the fact that the actual documentary dismiss the book so easily was a bit of a let down. But that aside, this documentary was a whole lot of fun. So now that the one complaint I had is out of the way, lets take a stab at the good.

First and foremost this doc has some never-before-seen footage of Mr. Perkins discussing the movies and character that, for better or worse, he became such a part of. While Hitchcock isn’t around to comment on his film, the other directors of the three sequels that followed all give their insights as do many of the actors from all four films. There are some noticeable actors missing, such as Meg Tilly and it would have been great to hear from her own lips about her well known problems with Tony Perkins, but I guess she doesn’t want anything to do with that these days. However other famous actors such as Henry Thomas, Robert Loggia, Olivia Hussey, Jeff Fayhe and others from the various PSYCHO movies all share their memories. Then there are the guest commentators, most of whom are horror directors, journalists, and the like, but some of these I do have to question of what makes them an expert. Take the guy that directed the direct to video slasher sequel WRONG TURN 2 and…well nothing else. Why is he considered an authority on the PSYCHO films, other than possibly being friends with the maker of this doc?

In addition to the hour and a half documentary there is a bonus disc that comes with this Shout! Factory release that has over three hours of additionally bonus content on it. With over three hours of goodies I’m not going to list them all here, but I will say that everything and the kitchen sink, or should that be bathroom shower, on all aspects of PSYCHO are covered including what I missed most in the documentary; a very nice featurette about Bob Bloch and the three PSYCHO books he wrote. There also stuff on the making of PSYCHO 2, a featurette on creepy artists and art, extended and deleted scenes, a reunion panel on the original movie, and best of all, a full panel discussion with actor and PSYCHO 3 director Anthony Perkins.

PSYCHO LEGACY is a fun, albeit a little light and fluffy, documentary on one of the greatest must see films, horror or otherwise. I can easily recommend this DVD to not only all horror fans but all cineophiles everywhere. This movie comes out October 19 and like the original classic the doc is about, this little film is a must see.



--Brian M. Sammons









SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD (2009) – DVD review
Reviewed by Brian M. Sammons

Director: George A. Romero
Cast: Alan Van Spang, Kenneth Welsh, Kathleen Munroe

This is a review that I really don’t want to write. Why? Because I am a George Romero fan, and a zombie movie fan, but especially a Romero zombie movie fan. At least I was, but ever since he finished his original …OF THE DEAD trilogy, the quality of Romero’s cavorting corpse cinema has been in steady decline. Yet while both LAND and DIARY OF THE DEAD had some good things to balance out the bad, SURVIVAL is an unredeemable disaster from start to finish. I never thought I’d say that about any Romero movie, other than BRUISER, and especially not one of his zombie flicks, but that is the long and short of it. However if you want some reasons as to why this movie makes me so sad, read on.

The story, such as it is, is about a small island off the coast of Pennsylvania oddly populated by a bunch of Irish people living the simple country life when the undead plague hits. Half the residents of the island belonging to one clan who want to do the sensible thing and kill the zombies as they pop up. The other half, also belong to a single clan, want to keep the zombies locked up, or chain up doing really stupid stuff like delivering the mail, mowing the lawn, and chopping wood (yeah, great idea, give the zombie an axe), until a cure can be discovered. This leads to a civil war of sorts between the living. Into this clan war comes a group of soldiers, the same soldiers last seen robbing the “heroes” of DIARY OF THE DEAD. Now all this, while a bit silly, doesn’t sound all that bad, so why do I cry every time I think of this movie? Wow, where to begin?

The acting is atrocious. Not one actor looks like they have any business being in front of a camera, or hell even on the stage of the local community college. I’m not just trying to be snarky, but I can not stress enough how bad the acting is. Yet I can’t blame these hapless thespians for running this movie alone, I can’t even place all the blame on them for the incredibly cheesy characters they are portraying. No, sadly the script has a lot to do with that too. The dialog is laughably bad, the situations thoroughly unbelievable, and worst of all, the zombie gags fall completely flat. What’s a “zombie gag”? That’s a memorable bit of gory good fun where a zombie either kills someone, or is killed, in a spectacular way. Previous Romero zombie movies had tons of these, but SURVIVAL has not a single one. Oh, you will remember plenty of gore scenes from this movie, but for all the wrong reasons. Namely the special effects are HORRIBLE! The makeup, what little is used, looks like what you would see in your neighborhood haunted house at Halloween, but the biggest offender is the completely phony looking CGI effects. There are not words enough to describe how bad the Grade-Z computer effects look, so I’m not going to even try. Ha, who am I kidding? I live to piss all over bad CGI, so let me say that the computer animation in THE LAST STARFIGHTER looked more believable than the splat effects in SURVIVAL, and have you seen that 1984classic recently? Yeah, that looks better than what they’ve got here. And hey, did I mention the zombie chick riding a horse? Yes, you read that right, there’s a horse riding zombie. Man the questions that brings up are legion. How does the zombie girl get up on the horse? Does she just stay up there forever? Did she die on the horse? Why does the horse allow some rotting dead thing to ride it all around? Most importantly, who the hell thought it was a good idea to have a zombie on horseback in this movie?

Now despite this deeply flawed film, MAGNOLIA HOME ENTERTAINMENT did a good job bring this move out on disc. There are three options to choose from, a rather bare bones DVD, a two disc Ultimate Edition DVD loaded with extras, and a nice looking Blu-ray with even more goodies. But does it really matter what extras a specific edition has when the movie they’re all about is this bad? No, it doesn’t so moving on…

I can not recommend this movie, not even a little bit. It is the one Romero zombie movie I will not be keeping in my movie library and honestly, I’m going to try like hell to forget that I ever saw this movie. I never thought I’d say this, but I do hope that George never makes another zombie movie, because if the declining quality trend continues, I can’t even begin to image how bad the next …OF THE DEAD movie will be. Whatever, consider this movie thoroughly drenched in Skip It sauce.



--Brian M. Sammons









THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE COLLECTION (1982-1990) – a DVD review
Reviewed by Brian M. Sammons

Directors: see box for details
Cast: see box for details

Shout! Factory has been going great guns with their Roger Corman’s Cult Classics line of DVDs and BDs. They have run the gambit from cheesy monster movies, sci-fi farces, and masterpieces of the weird. Now comes some slasher goodness with THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE COLLECTION. This set of two discs contains all three of the SPM movies, but is that actually a good thing?

Well the first MASSACRE movie is bonified slasher classer with the infamous “Driller Killer” who chases around a bunch of scantily girls having a sleepover with a huge electric drill, usually held at crotch level just in case the symbolism was too subtle for you. The movie is pure silly slasher gold with lots of T & A, good gory kills, and a wicked sense of humor. This film alone is worth getting these DVDs for. But wait…there’s more. Not that the “more” in question is all that great.

I am not a fan of the sequel in name only that is SPM part 2. Put succinctly, it’s not a good movie. It has little to do with the original other than the little sister from the 1st movie, played by a pre-WINGS Crystal Bernard, having bad dreams that warn her “not to go all the way”. Yeah, the whole thing is a ham-fisted parable on virginity and a young girl’s fear of sex. But as far as being a slasher, or even just an enjoyable movie, it fails utterly. It is boring and silly, a bad combination no matter how you cut it. I say it’s boring because it takes twenty-five minuets for the first nudie shot to appear (the only one in the movie) and almost an hour before the first kill, both of these break the cardinal rules of both Roger Corman and Slasher Flicks 101. Oh, and when you factor in that this movie is only 80 minuets long things really get depressing. I say this flick is silly because most of this movie is just about the frightened virgin having weird dreams that seem to be ripped off of one of the lesser NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET sequels, and once more in case subtlety alludes you, a disposable cop character is even named Kruger…ha, get it! However once the little girl does the dirty deed of the naughty sex she summons a 1950s prancing, shucking and jiving, do-wop singing Fonzie reject with a big red electric guitar that has a two foot drill bit sticking out of its neck. You see, it has a drill in it, so it has to be a sequel to the original movie, right? There’s no possible way that the drill was just shoehorned into the script of a preexisting NoES knock off as a way to cash in on the infamy of the original MASSACRE film. Nope, no possible way.

The third film is a bit of a return to form for the series. Gone is the silly rock n’ roll guy and all the ELM STREET dream rip offs. It’s a straight up slasher and a bit of a whodunit as the identity of the new Driller Killer remains a mystery through most of the film. There’s also a killing at the 8 minuet mark, so right there it keeps you awake better than the previous film did. Part 3 is not a horrible movie, nor it is really good. It falls thoroughly into the “unremarkable” category, so I won’t remark on it further.

Shout! Factory has put all three of these discs out on DVD, but not Blu-ray. That’s kind of a disappointment but I guess they didn’t want to spend the cash on up converting all three movies when really, only the first one would be worth the effort. However, there are some nice extras to be found here. Each movie has it’s own audio commentary and I was surprised to find out the one for Part Two wasn’t just the filmmakers repeating “We’re sorry, we’re so very sorry” for the entire length of the film. There is also a three part documentary about the series, with one part devoted to each movie. Trailers, photo and poster galleries round off the extras.

As I said in the beginning, the original SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE makes these DVDs worth the price. The other two movies are just icing on the cake, great for cooperationists like me, but they can be watched or ignored as you wish. This collection comes out October 5th and I highly recommend all horrorheads picking it up when it does.







--Brian M. Sammons













TWO EVIL EYES (1990) – DVD review from Arrow Video
Reviewed by - Brian M. Sammons

Directors: Dario Argento & George A. Romero
Cast: Adrienne Barbeau, Harvey Keitel, Tom Atkins, E.G. Marshall

On paper this movie sounded like a great idea. Take two certified masters of terror, have them both adapt and direct tales from an originator of the horror genre, mix in some cool splatter and BANG; instant classic. However, this wasn’t to be the case with this film. While it is a perfectly fine, if a bit uneven, fright film, it never made a big splash and today is largely forgotten, despite having some major league talent in it. The directors I had mentioned before are Dario Argento and George A. Romero, two guys that between them have made some of the best, most memorable horror films ever. The author I hinted at is none other than Edgar Allen Poe, one of the granddaddies of the modern terror tale. As for actors, cult favorites like Adrienne Barbeau and Tom Atkins can be found doing their thing in these two short-ish tales, as well as veterans like Harvey Keitel and E.G. Marshall. Yet with all that, most newbie horror fans have probably never seen this one before. Luckily for horrorheads everywhere, the blood-loving Brits over at Arrow Video in the UK have released this one on DVD, and thankfully once again they put it out on a Region Free disc for the entire world to enjoy. Here, let me tell you about it.

Each of these two movies is about an hour long and the first has George Romero doing what he does best and giving us a film full of undead goodness with, "The Facts in the Case of Mr. Valdemar." Adrienne Barbeau plays a money grubbing wife of a sick, much older husband who she keeps in a hypnotic stupor and close to death so that she can milk him for all his money before he dies. She is added in this evil endeavor by her husband’s doctor, who just so happens to be her lover. Then one night Mr. Valdemar dies, but since he died while under deep hypnosis, he doesn’t pass on to the other side. Can you say vengeful ghost zombie out for blood? I knew you could. In this case the blood is ably supplied by makeup effects genius, and long time Romero running partner, Tom Savini.

Italian horror maestro Dario Argento puts his stamp on Poe’s classic, "The Black Cat." Actually, it borrows bits from many Poe stories, such as “The Pit and the Pendulum”, “The Cask of Amontillado”, and a bit of the “Tell-tale Heart.” In this short, Harvey Keitel plays a photographer named Usher (hah, get it) obsessed with death, teetering on the brink of madness and taking his obsession to the next level. Looking for an outlet for his homicidal impulses, he kills the titular feline only to enter a world of nightmares, madness, and murder. Of the two, this was my least favorite, but it was still pretty good, if somewhat disjointed and schizophrenic.

Arrow does a pretty good job putting out all the extras they can with this disc, however as for extras on the actual disc, this time the pickings are slim. There are a couple of trailers to be found on this DVD and sadly that’s it. While I wish there could be more it is good to just see this movie out on disc after so long of not being available at all. However, in an attempt to add some extra value to the package, Arrow does add some of their usual treats to the movie. Double sided art for the DVD case? Yep. Collector’s booklet? You betcha. Large fold-out wall poster? Yeah, that’s here too. So I give this DVD edition of TWO EVIL EYES a solid A for the goodies, a C – for the extras on the disc, but an overall rating of B due to the scarcity of the film. Therefore this DVD gets a grade B recommendation from me.



--Brian M. Sammons









Astonishing X-men: Gifted (2009) – DVD review

- Reviewed by Brian M. Sammons

Written by Joss Whedon
Art by John Cassaday

Ok, so this is in no way related to horror, but since a few months back our very own editor Mr. Cook did an editorial on comic books, I thought I could slip this one in here. Consider it like one of my video game “Genre Breaks” only in film form. Besides, I thought it was pretty darn cool and that’s all that really matters, right?

Some years back, the high chief of his own loyal cult of drooling fanboys and fangirls, Joss Whedon was on top of the world. He had three much beloved TV shows on the air in ANGEL, BUFFY, and my personal favorite, FIREFLY. Then one by one his shows all got the axe. So with nothing much else to do, Joss took a gig at Marvel Comics to bring his own brand of slick, stylish, and funny story telling to the overly expanded, and honestly kind of tired, X-men mythology. You see, for a time the X-men was Marvel’s cash cow, so they milked her for all she was worth. There were countless continuous X-men comic books, and therefore storylines, running at the same time, not to mention crossovers, team-ups, specials, and even the fan favorite mutant, Wolverine, having his own successful series or two. So while I always liked the idea of the X-men, I never bothered to get into it because of the depths of the pool I would have to swim in. But then Joss said, “Hey, you know what, I’m going to sort of hit the reset button, want to watch?” To that question I said, “Why yes, thank you.”

This DVD brings the first six issues of Whedon’s initial run of the comic book to life. Each episode is only about 15 minutes in length and done in “motion comic” style. What does that mean? Well it’s a different; perhaps cheaper and easier, way to do animation where still illustrations are moved and manipulated slightly, via CGI, on screen. Admittedly this style is not as fluid or smooth as classical animation and takes a bit to get use to, but it’s not bad. Further more, as it uses the original excellent illustrations by John Cassaday that were used in the comics, it means that the images are crisp, clear, and at times truly awesome. As for the writing, it’s pure Joss Whedon at his best. Each character has a distinct voice an motivation, there’s lots of humor, and an overarching plot tying all the episodes together. As for that story, these first episodes deal with a much different group of X-men than you might be familiar with. There’s no Professor X, Jean Gray is dead, and the sexy villainess Emma Frost has joined the party. Into this strange world a cure for the mutant gene arises causing all sorts of troubles for the X-men. Oh and did I mention the hulking alien looking to kill every mutant on Earth?

If you are an X-men fan, a Whedon fanboy (hey, not trying to be disparaging as I kind of am too), or a lover of super dudes in tights in general, then this is the DVD for you. I thoroughly enjoyed this animated retelling of the comic books and I look forward to the next DVD installment.



--Brian M. Sammons

Foreign Fears: Suicide Club (2001)

Suicide Club 2001
Not your standard J-Horror film involving pale faced black haired ghosts Suicide Club takes an extreme take on a sensitive subject for many. The film follows a detective’s mission to find out why a large group of high school students decide to kill themselves together by jumping in front of a speeding train. This is followed by a rash of other group suicides that seem to be connected to a mysterious website. The detective involved finds out that there is much more to this string of events than he could ever imagine. The film is original and has generous amounts of gore. The subject matter of the film is yet another testament of what non American filmmakers are willing to cover. Where American filmmakers won’t touch certain issues, J-horror is there for your fix. The film does take a rather strange route towards the end with a Japanese David Bowie like character who appears. Strange yes, but still very entertaining.



--Steven M. Duarte

Brian Sammons Hi-Def Horror Hoedown!

DEXTER: THE FOURTH SEASON (2009)– DVD and Blu-ray review

Cast: Michael C. Hall, Julie Benz, Jennifer Carpenter, John Lithgow

DEXTER, come on, if you haven’t seen this amazing show by now then shame, shame, shame and a healthy dose of “where the hell have you been?” tossed on top for good measure. But just in case you’re waking up from a four-year-long coma today, here’s the nickel tour. Dexter is a serial killer, but one who stalks and kills other murderers. In addition to that twist, he works for the Miami Police Department as a blood splatter analyst and in between killing and forensics he has to balance friends, family, and a new baby. All the seasons of DEXTER have had great stories and excellent acting, but this season took the series to a whole new level, and that’s not just the usual hyper critic hyperbole.

Season four begins with newlywed Dex trying his best to play the caring family man, not an easy task for a sociopath with almost zero human feelings and interpersonal skills, when all too soon he’s plunged into the warped world of the Trinity Killer. This new psychotic adversary is the most successful serial killer of all time and is played to creepy, truly frightening perfection by John Lithgow. The usual cat and mouse game is ratcheted up further when Dexter finds his quarry, but instead of ending things right away, tries to befriend Trinity to learn his secrets on how he’s been so successful for so long. So begins a taught deadly dance that lasts for 12 episodes and culminates with one of the best season endings in TV history.

However as great as this show, and specifically this season is, the DVD and BD package that houses it is sorely lacking. I mean everything looks and sounds great, and that’s the most important thing, but there are no special features to be found here that’s worth mentioning. Sure there are a few brief interviews with the cast, and then there are some…oh wait, that’s it. That’s all the extra goodies on DEXTER you will find on these discs but hey, there are a few episodes of SHOWTIMES’ other less popular shows on here. Yay for them pimping their other TV shows and trying to pass the hour long commercials off as “bonus features”.

DEXTER IS so amazingly good, but these DVDs and BDs are so Plain Jane bad, so can I recommend them? Yeah, I kind of have to as the show is just too awesome to miss and these bare bones discs are the only game in town. I’m guessing SHOWTIME knows this too and therefore they don’t see the need to jazz up their flagship show, but hey, a little something extra for the fans would be a nice treat. Oh well, maybe next time. Regardless of these no thrills discs, this set is a must have for DEXTER fans. As for those looking to jump into the show, this would be a great place to start.







SUPERNATURAL SEASON 5 (2010) – Blu-ray review

Created by: Eric Kripke
Staring: Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles

It was about a year ago that I put my preconceived notions about this TV show aside, watched it, and to my great surprise I really liked it. That was Season Four when things were ramping up to a apocalyptic showdown between the very forces of heaven and hell. Well here’s Season Five and the war to end all wars is here and the Winchester brothers and not only right in the middle of it, but they are the cause of it and the only solution for it. While that sounds not only like a daunting task but one that could overshadow all the things that make this show good, mainly the humor and the interplay between the brothers Sam and Dean. So, does it?

For the most part all the episodes this season concern themselves with the war between the not so fluffy nor friendly angels and big daddy Lucifer his-own-bad-self. While that is fine for story continuity and feels appropriate for covering something as grand as the apocalypse, it does mean that the standalone episodes, each focusing on a new horror, monster, or legend have kind of been pushed aside. That’s a shame as some of those were some of the best episodes of the show I’ve seen. To be sure, there are some of them in Season Five too, there’s a good episode where the brothers run into famous ghosts such as Abe Lincoln and Gandhi who despite their historical personas are killing people. Another memorable one had Sam and Dean stuck in TV land like the movie; STAY TUNED. Sure, not too original but still a fun watch. However even in these episodes the over arcing plot remains and while it was a fine story, worthy of two seasons being devoted to it, I was glad to see it end here at last, mostly because I’m eager to see where the show goes next. I mean, after surviving Armageddon, what do you do to top that?

Now if you couldn’t tell, I’m purposely being vague about the story there’s a reason for that, it’s very good and I don’t want to ruin it for you. I will give you some highlights like the brothers are destined to fight each other on opposite sides of the heaven/hell war. Lucifer is tooling around in a hijacked body but he doesn’t seem all that bad and the brothers still have their cranky angel ally but all other members of the Heavenly Host seem like either Grade-A jackasses or murderous psychopaths. Oh, and did I mention that the Four Horsemen are on the ride?

The Blu-ray by Warner Brothers has the expectant great picture and sound, but what about the special features? Well there’s only one audio commentary track for one episode, so that’s kind of lame. There are the usual deleted scenes and a gag reel that’s amusing to watch…once. However what’s a really need addition to the show is the weird flash game where you can explore Bobby’s house (Bobby being the Winchester’s surrogate father figure and fellow monster hunter) looking for books and videos to help explain and explore SUPERNATURAL’s take on the apocalypse. Equally cool are ten mini episodes of “The Ghostfacers”, a group of ghost hunters, who so desperately want to be like all the other insipid ghost hunting TV shows, only sillier. Well, only slightly sillier than those “real” ghost chasing shows. It’s these kinds of extras that really showcase the series’ fun side and make getting this Blu-ray a no brainer for fans of the show.

If you are a…does SUPERNATURAL have a cutesy name for their fans yet? If not, they should. Anyway, if you are a fan of the show then this new BD set is a must. Five seasons in and the show is still firing on all cylinders, which is a rarity that should be enjoyed and applauded. If you’re not a fan, then honestly this may not be best season to jump aboard as the ongoing mythology is thick and deep this time out. However once you do become a fan then by all means pick up this set of BDs. After all, things just don’t get bigger or better than the end of the world.







FROZEN (2010)– Blu-ray review

Director: Adam Green
Stars: Kevin Zegers, Shawn Ashmore, Emma Bell

When I saw previews for this movie my first thought was that it looked like the treading water for sixty minuets flick, OPEN WATER. You know, a “real life” horror story that’s supposed to be all the more chilling because it could happen to you. That’s all fine and good, but WATER let me all wet (ha) and this movie looked to be more of the same, except on a ski slope instead of the ocean. But then I saw who directed it, Adam Green of Hatchet fame, and since I really dug that film, and I liked the idea of him trying his had at something new instead of playing it safe with another slasher flick, so I thought, “what the hell, lets give it a watch”.

The story is deceptively simple; three friends get stuck on a ski lift in the middle of winter at the start of a weeklong shutdown of the ski resort. From there he question of “what would you do” will hit you again and again as things go from worse to worse like when the winter storms move in and the wolves begin to gather below. Really, that’s all there is to it, so this movie will be made or lost on the strength of the actors and the director’s skill. Luckily, FROZEN has plenty of great examples of both. The three young actors come off as believable and more importantly, likeable. When they make jokes, you laugh, when they are scared, you feel it. With such a striped down cast as this, believable acting is all important and this movie delivers. The other side of the equation is Adam Green and his directing abilities. Once again FROZEN doesn’t disappoint. The movie looks great, the tension builds nicely, and even when some things happen that seem a tad unrealistic, like the most persistent and patient wolf pack ever, you can overlook it because the story flows so smoothly.

To complement this very fine movie is a very fine Blu-ray from Anchor Bay. The picture looks great, which is good since there is a lot of pretty scenery to be seen as the trio of friends face cold, certain death. There’s an audio commentary by the director and the three stars and a second commentary track with the people responsible for making this movie look so good, namely the director again but with the cinematographer and editor this time. There are also a trio of entertaining featurettes about the before, during, and after processes of making this movie. Deleted scenes and trailers are the icing on this frosty cake of FROZEN extras.

For a nice slice of real world horror that won’t put you to sleep like other movies about such things, not to mention keep you on the edge of your seat and chilled to the bone (sorry, couldn’t help myself), I can’t recommend FROZEN highly enough.







THE EVIL DEAD (1981) – Blu-ray review

Director: Sam Raimi
Stars: Bruce Campbell, Ellen Sandweiss, Hal Delrich, Betsy Baker, Sarah York

Has there ever been a movie release more often to DVD than this movie? Ok, maybe the other two films in the series could give this one a run for its money as the most re-re-re-re-released movie of all time. I myself own three copies of this seminal and insanely influential fright flick. I got the one that came in the big collector’s tin, and naturally the ubercool Book of the Dead edition, and now I have this on the new Blu-ray format. The funny (or perhaps sad) thing is that I’ll keep all three versions of this movie for various reasons that will only make sense to fellow horrorheads out there, but if you not a big horror nerd like I am, you just might be wondering is getting this movie on Blu-ray is worth it when chances are you already own it on DVD, perhaps two or three times over. Well let me explain what’s new and I’ll let you decide.

But first, do I really need to explain the plot of EVIL DEAD. I mean, come on, it is one of the must see films of the horror genre. If you haven’t see it yet, you really have no business being here reading this. Seriously, you just don’t know horror if you’ve never seen this movie, so do yourself a favor and watch it already.

So ok, what makes this Blu-ray of this movie worth getting? First off, it looks great. Yes, there’s still some film grain, but honestly I kind of like that. What’s really good is how sharp things look. While watching this movie for the 1000th time I noticed details in the background that I had never seen before. Also, it’s nice to see that the square mat box around the moon used in the outdoor shots has been removed or covered up. Furthermore, there are two ways to watch this film. You can see it in the original 1.33:1 aspect ratio or the new enhanced 1.85:1. As for sounds, it’s got the usual bells and whistles, but it also has an all new audio commentary track with director Sam Raimi, actor Bruce Campbell, and producer Robert Tapert. While this commentary is perfectly fine, and offers a candid snapshot of the business side of how this movie came out, it was simply not as fun, or as funny, as previous commentaries by these same people. I do wish Anchor Bay, the folks behind this disc, also included those audio tracks on this BD.

Since we’re talking about commentaries, I might as well list off all the other extras that can be found here. How many, you may ask? Well a whole DVD’s worth. That’s right, this Blu-ray comes with a whole extra DVD packed with goodies. And when I say packed, I mean it. So many that I’m not going to go into them all, but I will give you the Cliff Notes version. There are nine new featurettes with topics ranging from the usual making of retrospective, conventions, drive-ins, deleted scenes, the EVIL DEAD reunion, the ladies of the film, special effects make up, and one that a big old nerd like me thought was really cool; a quickie about the other pages in the Necronomicon that weren’t shown in the movie. There are also the obligatory trailers, TV spots, and photo galleries. The only thing missing from this edition is the infamous short “Within the Woods” that we always get promised, but never actually get. For those who don’t know, that was the short proto-version of THE EVIL DEAD that Raimi and Co did to show investors that they could actually make a movie. Maybe someday we’ll get that Holy Grail of horror, but not today.

If you can’t tell by now, I love this movie, and I’m very happy with this Blu-ray release. If you are a fan of THE EVIL DEAD then this is a must get for you. If you’ve never seen this complete and utter horror classic then you are way past due, and this BD is a great way to do it.







ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK (1981)– DVD & Blu-ray review

Director: John Carpenter
Cast: Kurt Russell, Lee Van Cleef, Ernest Borgnine

I do not like writing reviews like this, but then I do not like getting my hopes up for a brand new edition of one of my favorite films of all time, only to have those hopes dashed when I finally get the new Blu-ray version of ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK and see it’s is the very definition of a lack luster, bare bones, and most basic version of this excellent cult favorite flick that MGM and Fox could have been bothered to release. In case I’m being too subtle, I DO NOT LIKE THIS BLU-RAY! Not one little bit. There are a couple reasons for that so let me run them down for you.

First, the picture looks like it has only been enhanced the tiniest bit, if at all, from the previous DVD release. When old movies like the MAN WITH NO NAME series, not to mention such heavy weights like the GODFATHER films, both of which were filmed long before NEW YORK, come out on BD looking vastly superior then when they did on DVD yet this one looks about the same that is puzzling. What is completely inexcusable is when the new Blu-ray comes out and it has zip, zero, and zilch for any special features. Now if this was some forgotten little film that no one knew or cared about and there have never been any special features for it in the past, that would be one thing, but that is not the case here. Years ago MGM put out a special edition 2-disc DVD that was packed with extras, so what the hell happened? Did they lose all that extra content somewhere? Because they sure as hell aren’t on this disc. This pathetic BD doesn’t even have trailers. That’s right, not even a trailer! Even the most backward, basic, el cheapo DVD of some never heard of 70s grindhouse flick will have a trailer for it. Well not this movie. Hell, even the Blu-ray’s main menu looks incredibly cheap.

The only thing I can think is that MGM, who’s in one hell of a hole financially, wanted to make a few bucks by releasing the cheapest BD they could in an attempt to milk the fans of this movie that, chances are, already own this film on DVD. Well I’m sorry for MGM’s money woes, I truly am, but that is a very slimy thing to do.

If you’ve never seen this amazing John Carpenter action epic about the ultimate one-eyed badass named Snake, going into New York, which if the far flung future of 1997 has been turned into a city-sized prison, in order to save the President of the United States, then you’re missing out on an ultra-mega-great film. However this limp little Blu-ray is NOT the way you want to see this movie. Do yourself a huge favor and get the previous, and now relatively cheap, DVD special edition. Not only does it basically look and sound the same as this “high def” version, but it comes with tons of extras and goodies. If you already own this movie on DVD, or hell, VHS for that matter, then there is no reason to upgrade to this travesty. Well, one maybe, this version contains both the bare bones Blu-ray and the bare bones DVD in one package. I’ve got to give the makers of this incredibly missed opportunity credit for that one little thing, but nothing more. Here’s hoping that someone gets it right the next time they try to bring ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK to the new format.

Consider this Blu-ray vehemently and violent NOT recommended.









HATCHET (2006) – Blu-ray review

Director: Adam Green
Cast: Joel David Moore, Tamara Feldman, Mercedes McNab, Kane Hodder

Very few movies in recent history are as divisive as this one. Some people love it, others hate it. Me, I fall mostly into the first camp. Now that might shock some horror fans out there as I am keenly aware how cool and hip it is to rag on this little flick, and while part of me understands the reasons for that, the larger part of me just doesn’t get it. First, let's hit the reasons while some may hate this film.

I think the main reason this movie gets so dumped on is because it was built up like few movies before it. HATCHET was “coming soon” for a long, long, long time and all you heard for years was just how cool and badass it was going to be. Nothing on earth could have live up to that much hype. Worse yet, there were some in the horror community that got early access to the movie and then lauded it all to hell and gone, again raising expectations to dizzying heights. Then there were the critic quote whores who really didn’t help matters. Calling this movie, “The holy grail of slasher films” might get you on the DVD case, but despite being chock full of hyperbole, you’re practically issuing a challenge to horrorheads, daring them to hate this movie. So with all that going against it, I can understand why some walked away from HATCHET saying, “you know what, that movie wasn’t all that,” which in time turned into “that movie sucked” once their opinions started bouncing around in the echo chamber that is the internet.

And yet, is this movie really all that bad?

Hell no. It’s got tons of practical gore. That is, real honest to goodness fake blood and latex guts instead of the cheaper, and very much cheaper looking, CGI gore effects that far too many horror movies utilize. That alone gets this movie huge points from me. But hey, that’s not all. What’s a slasher flick without nudie shots aplenty? In this case, as an extra bonus for BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER fans like me, we are treated to repeated shots of Mercedes McNab’s lovely lady lumps. Want more? Well then how about the best maniac to ever put one Jason’s hockey mask, Kane Hodder, as the hulking, deformed killer, Victor Crowley. Still not enough? Ok there are cameos by Robert Englund and Tony Todd, lots of smartass, snarky humor that actually works, a memorable movie maniac, and a classic slasher back-story of a mean spirited prank gone horribly wrong that gives birth to an undying psycho looking for vengeance. Oh and did I mention the truly awe inspiring gore gags? Well they bear repeating. Guys get hacked in half in full view of the camera, a woman gets her head ripped off at the jaw line, and heads get twisted 360 degrees until they erupt into blood geysers, belt sanders on faces, and so much more. A line in SCREAM 2 sums it up best; “Carnage candy.”

Just in time for the sequel, Anchor Bay has put out one fine Blu-ray for this movie. The picture looks markedly better than the DVD edition and all the features from that previous version have been transferred to the BD. They include a highly entertaining audio commentary with the writer/director Adam Green, the cinematographer, and most of the cast. There’s a making of featurette, another all about killer Victor, two on different aspects of the gore effects, one about how Adam Green and glam metal legend Dee Snider of TWISTED SISTER fame met and became friends, a gag reel, and trailers. Plus, new to this Blu-ray, is a commentary with Adam Green and fan favorite Kane Hodder.

I highly enjoy this movie. It’s bloody, sexy, and funny entertainment, and I really don’t know how a fan of slasher flicks could not like it. If you’ve never seen this movie, then do so now, and this BD is the best way to do that. If you’ve seen HATCHET already and loved it, then getting this disc is a no-brainer. If you saw it and hated it, then you honestly need to give it another shot, even if it’s not the cool thing to do.

Consider this one recommended.






AFTER.LIFE (2009) – Blu-ray review

Director: Agnieszka Wojtowicz-Vosloo
Stars: Christina Ricci, Justin Long, Liam Neeson

This is a movie that pretty much slid under a lot of people’s radars despite having three somewhat marketable and recognizable actors in it. I honestly don’t know if this film ever went to the theaters or if it was a direct to DVD production. Usually when that happens it’s not a good thing, but is that the case here? Well don’t be afraid, we’ll explore this AFTER.LIFE together.

The story begins with a very board, listless young lady named Anna (Ricci) who’s thoroughly boarded with her teaching job, her fiancé, her sex life, and just life in general. Lucky for her then, she gets into an auto accident and winds up on the slab. But not only is this not just any slab, as it belongs to a calm, comforting, but nonetheless creepy mortician played by Liam Neeson, but she’s also not quite dead. Or is she? The mystery and thriller part of this movie concerns Anna coming to grips with her own death as the mortician tries to ease her into her afterlife. How can he do that? Because he’s special and he tells her that only he can see and talk to dead people. Naturally Ann goes through all the stages of grief, albeit she’s grieving over her own death, but could there be more to the story than that? Well, more to it than an “I see dead people” ghost story? Perhaps, but you’ll just have to see AFTER.LIFE for yourself to find out.

Anchor Bay adds a few special features to this great looking Blu-ray, but not many and nothing we haven’t seen before. There’s an audio commentary with the director and co-writer, Agnieszka, a making of featurette, and a theatrical trailer. So if you’re extra features junkie this disc might leave you a little cold, however did I mention the lots and lost of Christina Ricci nudity that’s in this film? That in its own right is a very special feature in my book.

AFTER.LIFE isn’t a great film, and not one I can see myself watching over and over again, but it was a good watch and I enjoyed it. The story had some decent twists, although the major one I saw coming quite a bit before it was revealed. However all three of the main actors deliver fine performances, especially Liam Neeson as the creepy mortician. There was only one thing about this movie that didn’t really work for me and that was a subplot with a sullen little kid that becomes a bit too emo/goth too quickly, easily, and unbelievably for my taste. Regardless of that, if you’re looking for an atmospheric thriller with possible supernatural overtones and a good dose of originality then AFTER.LIFE is the flick for you.






INFERNO (1980) – Blu-ray review – Arrow Video

Director: Dario Argento
Cast: Leigh McCloskey, Irene Miracle, Eleonora Giorgi

This isn’t my favorite Argento film. In fact, it’s not even my favorite “Three Mothers” film by Argento. But just like something else that’s wonderful and Italian, namely pizza, there is really no such thing as awful Argento because even when he’s not great he’s still pretty damn good. Such is the case here. But wait, could it be that you don’t know what Argento’s Three Mothers trilogy is? Well let’s get to that.

Back in 1977 Dario gave the world a true macabre, nightmarish masterpiece with his film, SUSPIRA. It was giallo, black-glove fun mixed with images right out of a techno colored fever dream, with black magic aplenty and one hell of an evil witch called The Mother of Sorrow. What we all soon learned after watching that movie, other than Argento was a true maestro of horror, was that this was only the beginning of the haunting trilogy of three mothers of evil.

In 1980 Argento returned to give his evil mothers some love with this movie. This time the story was set in New York and revolved around the youngest, but most wicked mother/sister/witch/whatever; the Mother of Darkness. However beyond that I can’t say much. I do so not only in an attempt to avoid spoilers, but also because the story was an odd combination of confusing and boring. I say boring because the story movies at a leisurely pace at best while the confusion mostly in the motivation of the various characters. People come to the large apartment building the evil mother is hiding in, either by accident or actively looking for the witch, and then one by one they get bumped off in creative, sometimes hilarious ways. My favorite is a woman who gets pelted with lots of real, live, angry cats, like a scene out of Hitchcock’s THE BIRDS, except with felines. Here’s hoping they were at least declawed.

Yet as weird and slow moving as the story is, Argento’s style is in top form. The man’s use of colors, lighting, and other visual candy is simply beautiful and has to be seen to believe. In this day of directors all aping the hyper kinetic thirty-cuts-a-minute MTV music video style of movie making, it’s nice to see a movie where the director has actual talent and tons of skill. The old phrase of “they just don’t make them like that any more” has never been clearer. That alone makes this movie mandatory viewing.

Luckily for new fright fans and old terror film lovers alike, the good people at Arrow Video in the UK have put out a truly amazing looking Blu-ray edition of this movie that really showcases Argento’s style. In addition to looking great, they add a bunch of neat-o extras to the disc. There’s a 20 minuet interview with actress and screenwriter Daria Nicolodi who co-wrote SUSPIRIA and acted in INFERNO. There’s the basic 15 minute making of featurette, a 30 minute question and answer session about the movie, and the oddest, and most interesting bit; a 15 minute documentary on a movie called THE BLACK CAT that was made in 1989 and was an “unofficial” end to the Three Mothers trilogy by another director, Luigi Cozzi. I had never heard of this film so it was nice to learn about it.

Like all Arrow Video BDs and DVDs I’ve ever seen, this one is great. Its top of the line quality with plenty of extras tossed in. There is simply nothing better out there. If you are an Argento fan then this is the Blu-ray of INFERNO to get.





STAR CRASH (1978)– Blu-ray review

Director: Lewis Coates
Stars: Marjoe Gortner, Caroline Munro, Christopher Plummer, David Hasselhoff

Ever since Shout! Factory has started to release gems of per 80s cheese-tastic awesomeness in the form of BDs and DVDs under the Roger Corman’s Cult Classics line, I’ve been in geek heaven. HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP, PIRANHA, GALAXY OF TERROR, and the entire SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE series, to name but a few, have all found warm and welcoming spots in my movie library. But as they say, nothing lasts forever. Such was my disappointment with this insipid, soggy, sci-fi snooze fest. With a very heavy heart, let me tell you about STAR CRASH.

First and foremost, the whole thing looks ridiculously cheap, and considering I have yet to say that about any of the other Corman Classics I’ve reviewed, that’s really saying something. The costumes actually made me giggle every time someone strutted out in a new one. The special effects would make an amateur blush, ranging from blue-skinned aliens where they missed spots and the actor’s normal skin tone peeks through, to lasers that don’t even originate from the barrels of the ray guns firing them, to spaceships that looked so fake and plastic that when they came on screen I expected to see the hand of an eight-year-old holding it up and hear him making “whooshing” sounds. This cheapness goes so far as to the thoroughly chintzy soundtrack. And the acting! Good lord! don’t get me started on the acting. The lines are delivered either woodenly, as if the actor is half asleep, or with so much scene-chewing tenacity that Al Pacino would have told these guys to take it down a notch. This ranges from a guy in a plastic helmet who’s supposed to be a robot and yet speaks like the Yosemite Sam, Christopher Plummer slumming it for a paycheck as the emperor of the galaxy, and a very young, and unintentionally hilarious-looking David Hasselhoff, complete with 80s big hair.

The story is completely forgettable and throwaway, so much so that even now I’m having a hard time remembering it and I just watch the damn thing. There something about a giant weapon hidden on a planet and uhm…amazons on horses for some reason. Then there’s a rip off of Talos from JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS that looks far less convincing despite being made fifteen later, and let’s not forget about the lightsabers. Oh, I mean “laser swords.” We don’t want to get sued, after all.

But can this movie be all bad? Well no, but it tries awfully hard to be. Unlike other the other Cult Classics, this movie is rated PG which means that it doesn’t even have the old Corman standbys of blood, breasts, and beasts to make it even the tiniest bit enjoyable. It does have the lovely Caroline Munro running around in a black bikini through most of it for some unknown reason, and really that’s the only good thing I can think of about this movie. Well that and the amount of extras Shout! Factory put out with the Blu-ray, so if for some reason you are a fan of this movie then this BD will make you very happy. But honestly I can’t recommend this movie, not to horror fans, not to sci-fi fans, not even to fans of cheesy 80s drive-in flicks. Maybe if you have some kids and want to get them a safe sci-fi romp then this will do, but other than that you might as well skip this one.

--Brian M. Sammons

Christopher Conlon’s Five Horrors That Aren’t “Horror”

by Christopher Conlon

Here’s what I don’t like about most of what’s marketed today as “horror.”
It isn’t scary.
Very little of it is even interesting. Silly stories about psycho killers lurking in the dark or icky monsters preoccupied with tearing off the bikini tops of nubile young ladies...who cares? Such things are fine for entertainment, but the “horror” label would seem to suggest works that are supposed to be, well, horrifying. Disturbing. Unsettling.
Yet I’ve often found that a lot of the most disturbing material out there isn’t marketed as “horror” at all.
Here are five of my favorite horrors—horrors that aren’t labeled “horror.”









1. Wisconsin Death Trip (1999)
Directed by James Marsh. From the book by Michael Lesy.
Wisconsin Death Trip presents a challenge for anyone trying to write about it—the film is almost literally indescribable. It’s a black-and-white documentary, or docudrama, focusing on the bizarre events which took place in Black River Falls, a small, poverty-stricken town in Wisconsin at the end of the 19th century. Using actual photographs from the period as well as silent reenactments (the film has no dialogue, only narration by Ian Holm and an evocative music score), Wisconsin Death Trip takes us deep into a particular heart of darkness, through accounts of actual events recorded by the local newspaper of the time. There are reports of murder and suicide; ghostly hauntings; premature burials; outlaws and arsonists.






Most memorable, perhaps, are the whispered real-life reports from the Mendota Asylum for the Insane, chronicling the various manias of the residents there. Throughout, the elegant black-and-white historical sections are contrasted with full color segments depicting contemporary life in Black River Falls—very different, and yet in some ways oddly the same. This is a truly frightening film, yet powerfully moving at the same time. It’s available on DVD, with a fascinating director’s commentary and behind-the-scenes documentary. (Michael Lesy’s book—about the same time and place, but a very different kind of experience—is also highly recommended.)






2. Suddenly Last Summer (1958). A Play by Tennessee Williams.
Violet Venable, aging matriarch of the Venable family of New Orleans, has a problem. Her beloved (perhaps too beloved) son Sebastian has died suddenly during a European trip, and the cousin who accompanied him there, Catharine Holly, has come home with a wild story of how it happened—a story so horrific that Violet has summoned a doctor to examine her niece with an eye toward having the girl subjected to a lobotomy. (Williams’ own sister, Rose, was lobotomized in 1943.) What happened to Sebastian at Cabeza de Lobo? And why is Violet so desperate to have Catherine’s story disappear that she bribes the doctor with promises of hefty donations to his hospital if only he’ll “cut that hideous story out of her brain”? Suddenly Last Summer is a modern Grand Guignol featuring, among other tasty themes, mental illness, cannibalism, the sexual exploitation of children, and, of course, lobotomies.








As one reader writes online, “This play is really really gross.” It is. But it’s also staggeringly powerful, with some of Williams’ most poetically beautiful language. You will never forget Catharine’s climactic monologue—that’s a personal guarantee. The script for Suddenly Last Summer is available in the omnibus collection Tennessee Williams: Four Plays, and a fine production from 1993 can be had on DVD in the BBC’s Maggie Smith Collection. (The feature film of Summer, starring Katharine Hepburn and Elizabeth Taylor, is a much-expanded—not by Williams—version that has its merits, but shouldn’t be confused with the original.)




3. The Artwork of Matt Sesow (ongoing)
I’ll say this up front, and I’ll brook no argument: artist Matt Sesow is a genius, one of the finest “underground” painters this country has. (You may have seen his work on the cover of my collection Starkweather Dreams, or on Mike Arnzen’s 100 Jolts.) Sesow is a D.C.-area artist who lost his dominant hand in an accident when he was a child; he had to re-learn how to do everything with his other hand, including drawing and painting. The result is an art totally unlike anything else I’ve ever seen. Looking at a Sesow painting seems to me the psychological equivalent of looking at one of those “Anatomical Man” transparent figures in which you can see every muscle and nerve in the human body.


















Sesow’s faces are stylized, exaggerated, grotesque—and yet, as with all great art, the distortion is there for a purpose. When we look at a great Sesow painting we’re looking not at the face someone shows the world, but at their inner life, their loves and hatreds, their jealousies and joys, their childish rages and Dionysian hidden selves. In that way he’s like Picasso, but Picasso only rarely reached the level of nightmare depicted in a lot of Sesow’s canvases. He’s not just horrific—Sesow’s paintings can be damned funny, too—but for the most part a tour through Matt Sesow’s work is like a tour through the faces of Hell. An enormous amount of Sesow can be found at his website: http://sesow.com. Take a look. Better yet, consider purchasing one of his many pieces. They’re reasonably priced and really should be on the wall of every horrorhead’s home.








4. Symphony No. 1 by John Corigliano (1991).
I know, I know—a symphony on a horror list? But this isn’t just any symphony. The composer, John Corigliano, has dabbled in film scores—he wrote the astonishing score to Ken Russell’s Altered States (1980)—and much of his Symphony No. 1 sounds as if it’s a score to the greatest horror film never made. In fact, the music does derive from a kind of horror—in this case, the horror of AIDS. “During the past decade,” Corigliano wrote in 1991, “I have lost many friends and colleagues to the AIDS epidemic...My First Symphony was generated by feelings of loss, anger, and frustration.” The key word there is “anger”—in fact, the first movement of the symphony is subtitled “Of Rage and Remembrance.”



A great deal of this large-scale symphony is loud, angry, ugly music, filled with crashing timpani and blasting brass, and it’s not necessarily pleasant to listen to. But the themes are easy to follow, and the attentive listener is pulled irresistibly into Corigliano’s rage and pain. If your idea of classical music goes no farther than Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony and the soundtrack to Amadeus, then Corigliano’s Symphony No. 1 is probably not for you. But for the more adventurous listener, someone who can handle, say, Stravinsky and Bartok, this symphony is an unforgettable experience. John Corigliano’s Symphony No. 1 is available on CD in several different versions.

Sample: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0013AH202/ref=dm_mu_dp_trk2












5. In Cold Blood (1966) by Truman Capote.
This may be the single work on the list that’s most familiar to horrorheads, at least by reputation. In Cold Blood chronicles the lives and deaths of six people whose existences intersected one night in 1959 in Holcomb, Kansas—the Clutter family (Herbert and Bonnie and their children Nancy and Kenyon), who were murdered in their home, and Perry Smith and Dick Hickock, who murdered them. Capote spent several years researching the case, getting to know people in Holcomb—and, eventually, getting to know the killers after they were placed on Death Row.






















Capote’s “nonfiction novel” (based strictly on research, but with some invented dialogue and interior monologue) unfolds like a Greek tragedy, at its own stately pace; by the end we know both the victims and the perpetrators nearly as intimately as we know people in our own lives. The book has been filmed twice, most effectively by Richard Brooks in 1967; then there is, of course, the movie Capote, starring Oscar-winner Phillip Seymour Hoffman, which details Capote’s writing of the book. (Fans of Capote would do well, by the way, to check out the lesser-known Infamous, a film starring Toby Jones which covers the exact same material but in a strikingly different way.) But no film can compare with the experience of reading In Cold Blood, the chilling classic which essentially founded the modern true crime genre. This book represents true horror.

--Christopher Conlon
{Christopher Conlon won the Bram Stoker Award for his Richard Matheson tribute anthology, "He Is Legend", which is now available in trade paperback from Tor. He was also a Stoker finalist for his novel "Midnight on Mourn Street". Conlon can be found online at http://christopherconlon.com}

(The entire staff of The Black Glove greatly appreciates Christopher Conlon's contribution to this issue.)

THE EAST IS RED #15: Zombie Fighters and Sparkly Vamps

by Lisa Morton

Let’s play a game and see if you can name these movies:
Movie #1: Woody, the star, is a hunky guy who’s always been a loser in the past; but after a zombie outbreak, he teams up with a charmingly gawky kid and a couple of spunky gals to at last become a true hero. The movie is fast and funny, directed with great visual panache (including fantastic use of graphics overlaid on images), has a witty movie-star in-joke*, and was a surprise hit.
Movie #2: Based on an existing mega-hit, this one tells the story of a handsome young vampire who falls in love with a cute young human girl, despite the warnings of his vampire clan. After a chaste, sweet courtship, things fall apart when a bunch of ancient Eurotrash vamps come after them, and the climax is the big fight scene.
If you identified movie #1 as ZOMBIELAND and movie #2 as TWILIGHT…well, you’re both right and wrong.
Because for the purposes of this column, movie #1 is a 1998 gem from Hong Kong called BIO-ZOMBIE, and #2 is a Hong Kong mega-hit from 2003 called THE TWINS EFFECT (also known as THE VAMPIRE EFFECT). Now, mind you, my intention in comparing these films is not to suggest that the later American pictures borrowed anything from their Hong Kong antecedents – I doubt if any of the people involved with, say, TWILIGHT, have ever even heard of THE TWINS EFFECT. But if you’ve ever held off from exploring Hong Kong’s cinema because you figured it was either kung fu action, bullet ballets, or ghostly girls with long black hair, these two should prove to you that the Asians can not only mix it up thematically with their western counterparts, they can beat us to it – and maybe even do it better.








Wilson Yip’s BIO-ZOMBIE (1998) is – despite its obvious micro-budget – probably the better of the two, and is certainly a must-see for any fan of zombie cinema. This Woody isn’t the lead actor, but the lead character – Woody Invincible (Jordan Chan), a low-level thug who runs a Hong Kong video store with his buddy Crazy Bee (Sam Lee). The movie’s first half is largely concerned with the antics of these two bumblers, who unwittingly set the zombie apocalypse in motion when they run over a guy who’s just purchased a serum that produces zombies. Fortunately, Woody and Bee are played by two of the best young actors of late ‘90s Hong Kong: Chan already had a large following thanks to the wildly successful YOUNG AND DANGEROUS movies, and Lee had garnered critical acclaim for his debut appearance in 1997’s triad drama MADE IN HONG KONG. Their comic interplay is genuinely hilarious, making the first half of BIO-ZOMBIE breezy and amusing.























But when the zombies really stagger into the picture, BIO-ZOMBIE can generate gore and tension with the best of ‘em (despite the obviously silly make-up effects). Woody develops a relationship with Rolls, a pretty young salon worker, while Bee lusts after Mrs. Kui, the put-upon wife of a berating phone store owner. There’s also the sushi chef, who adores Rolls and remains her defender even after his zombification (the scene in which the chef passes out finger sushi to hungry zombies is classic!). As Woody, Bee, and the rest barricade themselves in a Hong Kong shopping mall and fight off the burgeoning hordes, they end up becoming the video game heroes they’ve played for years. *=And in BIO-ZOMBIE’s movie-star in-joke, when each character is displayed as a video game action star, complete with stats and points, Mrs. Kui’s idol is identified as none other than…Jordan Chan.
BIO-ZOMBIE was an early feature for Yip, who went on to become one of Hong Kong’s most interesting directors. His later films include the weird science fiction outing 2002, the touching drama JULIET IN LOVE, a funky kids’ horror movie called THE MUMMY, AGED 19, and the superb historical epic IP MAN, which won Best Picture in the 2008 Hong Kong Film Awards.









Dante Lam, director of THE TWINS EFFECT (2003), has occupied a somewhat similar place in Hong Kong’s film industry. Prior to THE TWINS EFFECT, he had co-directed the brilliant triad drama BEAST COPS, and possibly the best triad comedy ever, 2000’s JIANG HU: THE TRIAD ZONE. His 2008 film BEAST STALKER won lead actor Nick Cheung a bevy of acting awards for his performance as a one-eyed sympathetic villain. Like Yip, Lam has a hyperkinetic style that lends great visual glee and humor to THE TWINS EFFECT.
The mega-hot property behind the film was, in this case, not a book, but a singing duo – the Twins, who in 2003 were the hottest singers in Asia. Comprised of Gillian Chung and Charlene Choi, the Twins (who aren’t related and look nothing alike) were obvious choices to star in a movie, and the Hong Kong producers threw a lot of money at this production, surrounding the fresh actresses with a bevy of established stars (Jackie Chan, Ekin Cheng, Karen Mok, Anthony Wong) and tailoring a script that made use of their plentiful cutes. Well, happily enough, the Twins could actually act, too, and their first big movie together (both had acted in smaller parts previously) is a fluffy but infectious outing filled with equal parts action, comedy, and romance. Edison Chen is the cute Robert Pattinson stand-in here, playing a vampire prince who has come to Hong Kong to escape his stultifying European upbringing (yes, of course it’s preposterous that we’re asked to accept the obviously Chinese Chen as a European prince named Kazaf!). Unfortunately for Kazaf, the girl (Choi) he’s fallen in love with is the sister of a famous vampire hunter (studly superstar Ekin Cheng). The movie gets off to an action-filled bang as Cheng and his first partner – played by awesome tough girl Josie Ho – fight off a cadre of vampires in an abandoned train station (you might wonder if TRUE BLOOD’s writers saw this movie, though, as our heroes down vials of vampire blood to pump themselves up for the fights); after Josie dies, Cheng’s new partner turns out to be Gillian Chung, the Audrey Hepburn-lookalike member of the Twins. THE TWINS EFFECT is filled with incredible fights, thanks to co-director Donnie Yen; of course Jackie Chan, playing an ambulance driver, gets a terrific scene with some motorcycle vamps. The ending does a superb job of combining Yen’s fight choreography with the Twins’ personas and some solid CGI.
























Despite its frequent lapses into Disney FLUBBER-era comedy, THE TWINS EFFECT boasts one huge plus over its kin, TWILIGHT: The girls are never passive. In fact, part of the movie’s (slender) plot involves the bickering girls joining forces at the end to battle hordes of vamps and their creepy Eurotrash leader, while the male characters have no involvement at all. Unlike TWILIGHT’s helpless, sulky Bella, Ah-Gil and Ah-Choi (as they were known to their legions of fans) aren’t about to take shit from any vampire, boyfriend or not.
(Side note: Gillian Chung is especially good in the film’s climax, handling some complicated moves with flair and grace; a year later she gave a superb performance in the low-budget black comedy BEYOND OUR KEN, and in 2005 she kicked even more ass in the martial arts action film HOUSE OF FURY, almost living up to her stated intention of becoming Hong Kong’s next female martial arts star. Unfortunately, her career was derailed by a sex scandal in 2008 which also involved Edison Chen and several other female Hong Kong stars. Here’s hoping she makes a comeback and soon.)
BIO-ZOMBIE and THE TWINS EFFECT (under the title THE VAMPIRE EFFECT) have both had stateside releases. However (and if you’ve read this column before, you know what I’m gonna say now, don’t you?)…beware the English dubbed versions. BIO-ZOMBIE especially needs to be seen in its original Cantonese soundtrack with the real actors’ voices, and besides – you’ll get the additional enjoyment of reading some of my favorite bizarre sub-titles (“I am stooling!”).

BIO-ZOMBIE Trailer:




THE TWINS EFFECT Trailer:



--Lisa Morton

Movies Worth Googling: Strange Movie Reviews by Jenny Orosel

WANNA SEE SOMETHING REEAALY SCARY?

My husband and I were watching a movie the other night. It was one of the most suspenseful, enthralling, edge-of-your seat flicks I have ever seen. There was a body count, and the first time I watched it I had no idea until the very end who would survive and who wouldn't. And I realized that it would never play at a horror movie festival. That got me thinking about some of the most frightening and disturbing movies I've seen that wouldn't be considered "horror" by conventional standards, yet they deliver more darkness than most of the flicks wholly embraced by the genre.




Ladybug, Ladybug was a 1963 flick centered around an elementary school. This was one of the tenser times of the cold war, and each public area had a nuclear bomb alarm, the way places have fire alarms today. The alarm goes off at a school, and all signs point to it not being a drill but the real thing, and they are forced to react as such. The children are sent home to be with their families before the bombs fall. Most of their parents are away at work, so the kids are left to their own devices on how to either survive, or how to spend their last few minutes. The children react in very human ways, with panic, nobility, and petty callousness. They lock the less popular kids out of their bomb shelters. They try and find ways to protect elderly grandparents, all the while the fear and uncertainty loom on their faces. Whether or not the bombs will truly fall is of no consequence-they have been forever altered.

While watching this, I was sucked into the film's world. While bomb shelters and "duck and cover" drills are things of many decades past, that very palatable fear of foreign invasion still looms. They filmmakers did a wonderful job of building the dread of impending death, and I could easily picture myself in the situation of wondering just how I would react, being separated from the people I love and care, knowing the end is near. By far, one of the most horrific situations imaginable, and one so realistically and subtly played out by the writer, director, and surprisingly by the young actors. Compared to the Saw movies, Ladybug, Ladybug probably caused more nightmares and frightened moments. All without a single drop of blood or without a crazed killer. That might be what made it more frightening-there was no clear villain, nobody to fight against for a happy ending. For most of the kids, their chances for survival were completely out of their control. When you are that helpless, the fear becomes that much more intense. Yet, sadly, more people will list House of 1000 Corpses in more best-of horror lists than have ever seen Ladybug, Ladybug.





Seventeen years later, a mini-series aired on both NBC and the BBC, an adaptation of Aldous Huxley's Brave New World. I'll admit that when I first sat down to watch it, I was expecting to hate it. Brave New World is one of my favorite books of all time, and I'm usually disappointed in book-to-movie adaptations (as readers of the Movie vs. Book reviews that Bill and I do are aware). During the first few minutes I thought my fears were coming to life. The production is painfully low-budget, probably produced for the same amount of money as Ladybug, Ladybug. The sets were as painfully bad as a high school play. The futuristic uniforms seemed to be made of sweat suits and duct tape. It wasn't long, though, before I was sucked in and forgot the painfully cheesy dressings and was absorbed into the story.

I won't get into the plot too much, seeing as how most people have either read it or know the basics (if you haven't read it yet, go read it. Now. I'll wait). To create as loyal an adaptation as they could, they start the movie about twenty years before the start of the novel. Rather than have flashbacks to Linda and Thomas' adventure to the Savage Reservation, and her subsequent abandonment, that is where the story begins. From there, it follows the book as closely as can be done without making the mini-series a 30-parter. We see Helmholtz and John Savage struggling to find a sense of individuality, while the majority of the Brave New World accept comfort in exchange for freedom. We get a sad look at Bernard Marx as he goes from being a unique person to selling into the life of cushioned complacency the first moment he gets. And most frightening of all is watching Mustapha Mond orchestrate experiments with human lives, all for his own curiosity. If the novel affected you at all, this damn near perfect adaptation will chill you even more. (NOTE-be careful. There is a 1998 adaptation with Leonard Nimoy. Do not be fooled. This one is an abomination that will make you want to throw small, heavy objects at the television).





Jump ahead two decades, and we get to a small German movie, Das Experiment (The Experiment in its US release). This is the only movie I've seen in a theatre that disturbed me on such a base level, I was tempted to leave. I didn't, because I had to find a payoff for what I was experiencing. I'm glad I stayed, because the payoff was there. Big time.

The movie is based off the infamous 1971 Stanford Prison Experiment. 20 volunteers were randomly separated into two groups: 12 prisoners, 8 guards. For two weeks they were to exist in a mock prison, to see what both having power and losing power do to an individual. In a way, it was a success-normal, everyday people became sadists when given the Guard power. So much so that it was called off in six days.

Das Experiment takes the premise and dramatizes it. It's brought forward in time thirty years and taken to Germany. The results, however, are the same. It didn't take too long for the guards to revel in their new-found power, or for the prisoners to feel the sheer terror, despite being under 24 hour surveillance by the research team. That is disturbing enough, but the movie goes very dark when the guards seek more power, and take on the researchers.

Das Experiment has been compared to an Italian movie, 120 Days of Sodom, a notoriously chilling look at fascism. I honestly find Das Experiment much more frightening. Sodom is too stylized, and once the viewer gets over the initial shock of the on-screen violence, it's easy to separate one's self from what they see and say, "This is not like me. This is not like people I know." Das Experiment was filmed with such real characters and dialogue that you do recognize a little of yourself in all of them.





Finally, we come to the movie I watched with my husband, La Habitacion de Fermat (Fermat's Room). From the first line of voice-overed dialogue, you know this won't be your typical mindless slasher: "Do you know what prime numbers are? Because if you don't, you should just leave now." Four mathematicians are locked in a room, with a cell phone texting puzzles every so often. They have 60 seconds to text back the answer. If they take longer, the walls start to close in. The premise is somewhat familiar to the Canadian flick, Cube. However, in Fermat, the focus on the characters is what creates the suspense. We get to know them, know why each of them is there, and what they have to lose if they can't solve the biggest puzzle of them all. Then there are the puzzles themselves. I was trying to figure them out at the same time the characters were, watching the time count down. The pacing was spot on, as there didn't seem to be one moment without palpable tension. With barely two or three drops of blood shed, Fermat's Room creates more of a sense of danger and dread than any of the Saw movies.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love horror movies. Put together the time spent watching them, and I bet I've logged in a few good months. And I have fun watching them. But after a while, they don't get to me the way they used to. It's like eating your favorite ice cream every day. Soon, the taste doesn't have that special zing anymore. After watching enough Hammer Horror or slasher movies, I start feeling a little desensitized, like nothing can scare me anymore. That's when I dig a little farther into the dark side of the movies, and find these little gems that gnaw at my brain long after the end. It's nice to know I can still feel the horror. There's plenty of dark films out there, if you're willing to step outside genre conventions. And these four are but a small example of how worth it that is.

WHERE TO FIND THE MOVIES:
Fermat's Room was recently released on DVD in the US by IFC films. Das Experiment is currently out of print, but used DVDs can be found for less than twenty bucks from various online outlets. I don't think Brave New World ever got an official release, but some kind soul has uploaded the entire thing onto Google video at http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3536993421073315692# . Ladybug, Ladybug...well, good luck. I can't seem to find a record of any sort of legitimate release, or any sign of it online. If anyone knows of a DVD, VHS, hell, even a laserdisc, PLEASE let me know. If you want a copy of it, send me an email

--Jenny Orosel